Thursday, March 28, 2013

My Sinners Heart & the Crucifixion.

Here it is, the day before Good Friday.

I've had a great week...I've made decisions this week that I feel like God has been preparing me for, for months...new, exciting stuff is happening in the store...SOON.

And since those decisions were made, I've felt that my walk with the Lord has flourished...I've felt connected...walking in His will...listening to Him and what He wants for my life...

Its been SO GREAT!!  I know the valley's will come, but I do admit that I hate them.

So, then what do I do??  I go an screw it up.

I told a lie this morning.

I can hear Satan rejoicing...

Why is it that when we are walking the closest with the Lord...we screw it up and blatantly sin?

I am reminded of Peter (once again).  Proclaiming his undying love and loyalty to Jesus...

Only to deny him 3 times in ONE NIGHT.

Just like me.

Every time we sin, we are choosing to follow the blackness in our hearts...and deny the cross that Jesus set before us.

I feel like crap right now...shame has set in.  I know what I did was wrong...it was out of fear and selfishness that I told this lie.  I am reminded of my childhood, when I would lie to my mom or dad...I know the devil hates it when Christians confess their sins, or bring them to light...its easier for Satan to torment you, when you don't verbalize your wrong doings.

I asked the Lord for forgiveness and I know He grants it...but the irony is not lost on me.

Good Friday...the day that we remember all the Lord suffered through for us...the day He suffered to save me from my sins.  All week I've been thinking about the cross and what it means...and more importantly, what the crucifixion meant.

And here I go again,  falling on my face...

Many years ago, (like 20), my Pastor James from Blackshear Place Baptist Church in Oakwood, GA preached a sermon that I still remember with extreme clarity (really, its the only sermon I remember like I do this one).  As I recall, at the end of the sermon, there wasn't a dry eye in the sanctuary.  The sermon was a study on the crucifixion...what it was about, why it was practiced and what really took place during a crucifixion.  As Pastor James taught us about the crucifixion, it became clearer what Jesus really endured for us. 

We see it depicted in movies or pictures...and sure, the men on the crosses look beaten and bloody...but I have never seen a clear picture of what it really must of been like for Jesus.

You see, the crucifixion was reserved for the countries WORST criminals...I suppose what would be equivalent to our death penalty today.  Rapists, murderers, child molesters...you know, the REALLY bad criminals...those who commit crimes against our fellow mankind...those who's acts disgust us to our very core.

When Jesus was sentenced to die by crucifixion, that meant he was sentenced to die like the worst criminal...along with the sentence also came the torture, beatings and public mockery that Jesus would have to endure.

The Bible tells us that Jesus was handed over to the soldiers to be flogged after the people had demanded Barabbas be released and Jesus crucified in his place (Matthew 27:26).

Here's what a flogging really means...

The soldiers used what is called a cat-of-nine-tails...a cluster of long skinny leather strips all bound together, so that the flogger could achieve a better grip.  Jesus would of been chained to a post, with his back to the flogger (or flogger's...meaning plural).  The long skinny strands of leather would of had bits of crude metal, broken glass or even sharp rocks embedded in the leather.  When the flogger cracked the whip on Jesus's body, the long skinny strands would of wrapped around His body.  Of course, because of the bits of sharp metal, glass or rocks, it would of dug into his flesh.  As the flogger pulled the whip back, the skinny tails would of ripped flesh as they retreated.

Over and over, the floggers would do this...5-10-15-20 times?  Who knows how long Jesus had to endure this...

Bits of His flesh would of been hanging off his body...parts of his body exposed...bleeding profusely....losing energy...losing physical strength.

Get the picture?
And still, Jesus let them.

As if that wasn't enough, after Jesus was flogged, the Bible tells us that the governors soldiers took Jesus into the "Praetorium" which would of been like an arena like area (Matthew 27:27).  It would of been an open area where they could place Jesus in the center and mock him.

We are told that the soldiers stripped Him of his clothing...

All jokes aside, most of us can't even bear to wear a swimsuit in public...and there is our King, standing naked for all the world to make fun of...

They made him a crown of thorns.

Do you remember how much it hurt the last time you pricked your finger on a rose bush?  When the soldiers "placed" it on Jesus' head, they shoved the crown of thorns DEEP into his flesh and jammed it down on his head...

Seriously, the pain is more than I can imagine.

And still Jesus stood there.

Next, they placed a robe on Him...and mockingly knelt down and worshiped Him.  This is noteworthy because keep in mind that He was flogged and so his body and torso would of been completely open and bloody.

Ever scrape your knee or something and then wear jeans??  By the end of the day, if the wound isn't covered, your jeans have completely dried to the wound...and you go to take your pants off and it HURTS because the fabric has stuck to the wound?

They placed the robe on Him...all over his blood crusted and open flesh body...and later on ripped the robe off...re-exposing all of his wounds. 

And STILL, Jesus remained.

Matthew 27:30 tells us the soldiers spit on Him (which shows such disgust and contempt).
They beat him over and over with clubs...striking His already weak body, over and over again.

He couldn't of been able to even stand...

They ripped out parts of his bead...lets be honest ladies...those of you who get your eyebrows waxed...you know it hurts.  IT DOES.  The soldiers RIPPED out chunks of His beard from His flesh...

Our Jesus must not of even been recognizable...He was beaten and tortured so severely.

And still, Jesus remained.

While the soldiers forced Jesus to carry His own cross to Golgotha, it doesn't come as a surprise that Jesus stumbled while He walked.

As horrific as all this is, its really just the tip of the iceberg, compared to the brutality of the actual crucifixion.

As they laid Jesus down on the cross, spikes....HUGE spikes, were driven through His hands and feet.

Ever hit yourself with a hammer?  Yea, you know how bad that hurts...

And these soldiers weren't "gentle" about it...driving the nails deeper and deeper into His hands.

If you've ever gotten a tattoo, you'll know that your feet and hands are some of the most sensitive areas on your body...they are full of nerve endings that resound all over your body.

Every single square inch of Jesus's body would of felt the pain that shot from each slam of the soldiers hammers.

After Jesus was nailed on the cross, the soldiers would of pulled the cross to an upright position...

Now comes the real pain...

As Jesus HUNG on the cross, and when I say HUNG, I mean HUNG.  The force of gravity would of immediately taken over and the flesh in His hands would of started tearing from lack of physical strength.  It would of been incredibly difficult for Jesus to keep Himself upright.

As His body became physically weaker and weaker, it would of started to slump further down, making it almost impossible for Him to breath.

AND STILL HE REMAINED.

At any point, He could of called down the angels...God the Father could of struck them all dead....brought Jesus up to Heaven...

Ended it all...

But then I wouldn't of had the chance to live for the Lord and spend eternity with Him.

Just like the story of Abraham, when God asked him to sacrifice his beloved first born son, Isaac.  At the moment of true obedience on Abraham's part, God provided the Lamb for the sacrifice.

And that's what Jesus was for all of us.

The LAMB of GOD.  The ONLY way any of us could ever have TRUE SALVATION.  He gives us the HOPE of a future with the Lord.

After all of that...I was still stupid enough to disobey His word today.

I thank God that He loved me enough to send Jesus to do that for me...so that the blackness in my sinners heart can be made as clean as snow.

This is what I think about each Easter season...
Happy Easter to you.










Friday, March 22, 2013

Peter and Me.

So, I admit it....I've gotten into the History Channel's The Bible, TV mini-series.

I think its COOL.

I have read the Bible, front-to-cover, twice now in my lifetime.  Some of the stories conjure up images within my imagination, as I try to understand what it must of been like to witness Noah and the ark and watch it rain for 40 days...or what the Red Sea really looked like when Moses parted the waters...or even felt the earth tremble as the walls of Jericho tumbled down as Joshua and his men marched around it.  The Bible is brimming full of instances in history that defy logic and create wonder and awe...and if you didn't see it with your own eyes, its hard to imagine the magnitude of what God really did.  The movie puts an entirely different spin on the ever popular Sunday School stories that many of us have heard all our lives.  In our youth, the stories are depicted with sunny faces, fluffy angels and even a pretty rainbow. 

The reality of what transpired however, is far from sunny and happy.

I think its somewhat noteworthy to comment on the fact that there is a warning sign about the explicitly of some images that are portrayed in this movie...but in all reality, Hollywood most likely hasn't even touched what the brutality of those times were.  I mean, think about what the Crucifixion really is about.  There is nothing beautiful, or even heroic about it (apart from what Jesus did for us).  And, as I watch the movie, it becomes clear that most of the characters in the Bible that followed God were subject to horrific brutality.

But, really, what was I thinking?  When Samson's eyes were gouged out, was it really a pretty sight?  No.  I'm sure there was not a doctor there to give him pain medicine to ease his physical suffering.

Ever wonder what it would be like to be caged up with lions?  I can't even bear to stand close to a lions cage at the zoo, let alone be in a den with them.

Anyways, moving on...

So far, my absolute favorite part has been when Peter meets Jesus for the first time.

I think out of all the apostles and characters in the Bible, I identify the most with Peter.

He stumbled horribly, he doubted, he failed...and yet he loved Jesus so much.

In the movie, Peter meets Jesus as he is about to go fishing.  It is obvious that Peter is very discouraged by the lack of fish.  When Jesus offers to help him, Peter declines the invitation and even goes as far to say "whats the point?  There is no fish out there anyway..."  (as he wistfully looks out onto the water, discouraged by the lack of fruit for his labor).

I have felt the same way and said similar words this week:  "What's the point??"  It makes me wonder, why try so hard?  Why keep going?  Does it really matter how hard we try?

Okay, back to the movie...

Of course, not dismayed by Peters brush off, Jesus walks into the water, forcing Peter to help him climb up into the boat (keep in mind, Peter already told Jesus no...but as we all understand, Jesus didn't take no for an answer...I love the smile on Jesus face as he gazes at an exasperated Peter...a teasing smirk, or chuckle if you will...like I said, the visual truly helps to understand their relationship better).

Completely exasperated by his self-invited guest, Peter casts the boat off the shore.  From there, Jesus commands the fish to the water around the boat, tells Peter to cast the net...and fish abound, much to Peters amazement and awe.  He looks at Jesus with wonder...Jesus gazes back at him with love.

I've talked before about when Peter walked on water (it's one of my favorite stories).  Peter seemed to be one of the boldest about following Jesus to the ends of the earth and yet his lack of faith always seemed to get the best of him.

Why?  Because he's human.  And so am I.

And still, Jesus relationship with Peter was special...because above all, Peter loved his Lord.

In another scene, when Jesus is speaking to Peter right before He is arrested (I skipped ahead to a special sneak peek), Peter proclaims his undying loyalty and love to Jesus.  Its the look on the actors face who plays Jesus that speaks volumes, as he rushes forward and embraces Peter.  He knows what is to come...

Its the hug that matters...Jesus tells Peter before the rooster crows, he will deny him three times.

And in Jesus's embrace, He forgives Peter for what he is about to do.

How many times do we deny God in our own lives?  Every time we choose something over Him.

Every time we doubt what He can do in our lives.

Every time we panic (as I have done this week).

And yet, because of the Grace that only He can provide, He is ready to hug us back.  Forgiveness is there for the taking!  If we have asked Jesus to live in our hearts, then we are His eternal prodigal children.

What a comfort that brings!

I'll admit, there are some scenes in the movie that I can't watch...

I wont be able to watch the crucifixion. 

It's too much for my sinners heart to watch what He did for me.  I don't deserve what He did.

None of us do.

And yet, He did it, because He loves me that much.  MY face was in His minds-eye as he was brutally beaten and tortured.  He could of called down the angels and destroyed all of those who mocked and beat Him...but He knew that I would need a savior and someone to live for...and so he laid there and let people beat Him, stab Him, shove thorns down into His flesh, rip a cat-of-nine tails around his body, tearing chunks of flesh off of His bones and tearing chunks of his beard out of His face.

If we were to witness the crucifixion today, the most gruesome, grisly Hollywood horror flick would still not compare to what Jesus physically endured for us.

Above all, as I continue to watch the movie and ponder the events that transpired, it makes me ashamed at the lack of faith that I have.

What would I do if I were faced with similar circumstances in life?

Earlier this week, I was on the verge of a panic attack, as I stewed and fretted over the state of the world, our economy and the direction the government is taking our country.

I was alone in the car and I needed to talk to someone....so, I called my dad.

First of all, if I've never told you all this before, my dad was a pastor before my parents decided to become missionaries to the Philippines.

I have said this so many times, but I wish that I could go back in time.  I would like to be able to go back to when my dad preached, but have the understanding that I have now.

He was a great pastor.

God gave him a special ability to comprehend scripture and be able to explain it in a way that gives clear understanding.

My dad's still got it...

I felt so much better after I talked to him.  He simply said that if we live for the Lord, we will spend eternity with Him...its useless to get all worked up about what "may come"...but we are assured that the end will result with eternity spent with Jesus.

Sure, we may face trials that go beyond our comprehension...and there may soon come a day where our faith is tested, as it was for many of those in the Bible.

I told him I fear for my children...but my dad just said this is a time that we should be teaching our children right from wrong and to teach them the importance of taking a stand for what is right.

As I hung up the phone with him, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of gratitude that Paul Leslie is my dad.  I still miss his teaching and preaching...but I'm glad that I can call and talk with him when my heart is troubled.

And even more overwhelmed with gratitude that the Lord is my heavenly father, looking down on me with love and guidance.  He gives me the peace that I need in these troubled times.