Moving right along...
Day 8!!
Here goes...
Item #8:
What are 5 passions you have?
1. My Savior. Wow, when I think about what my life could be like without Jesus, it scares me half to death. I really don't know how people manage this life without Him in their lives.
2. My kids. I want to make sure they are all taken care of, happy and doing well in their lives. I know they must stumble and fall in life, but I want to be there to help them get back up. They are my life! I love to treat them to things, spoil them, shower them with love. They are all getting to old to let me get huggy-huggy with me...it can feel awkward sometimes, lol...but I hope they all know I would do absolutely anything for any of them. They are my life line.
3. My Husband. I love him. I love that we get to share our life together...I love that I can be real with him...I love taking care of him, cooking his meals...washing his clothes...spending time, even if it's watching HGTV together. I love how he makes me laugh...especially when I don't want to laugh. He knows what to do to make me giggle every time. I also love the little touches he sometimes brings to my life...every once in awhile I get an extra special note, or little just because gift or text message. Those are the moments that I live for. I love them.
4. My store. I love what I do...and most of all I love that I get to help other women who have either experienced similar circumstances that I had to go through. I love being able to make someone smile and make them happy. I love to see people's faces light up when they see something fun in my shop...I mean really...who doesn't love a great pair of shoes??
5. My family. I love each and every one of them. I think that family is the most important thing. I am so thankful to have two amazing families...here and in Georgia.
6. My house. In an old fashioned kinda way, I think a woman's place is in the home (and work...I think women can have it all). I love to make my house a home...I want all my kids to know that no matter where they are in life, they can always come home. There is always an open door, and always open arms ready to hug and help. I love to decorate...I love to make things look pretty. I LOVE IT.
Okay, so that was 6...I'm a very passionate person lol!!
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Day 7...30 Things.
What's up?? :) Hope your day is going well...
Ready for Day 7?
Here goes....
Item #7: What is your dream job, and why?
What I am doing, right now in my life, is my dream job.
I know it wasn't my dream job when I was a kid...
When I was younger, ever since I can remember up until my senior year of high school...all I wanted to be was a Chef.
That was it.
My dad took me to visit a cooking academy, about 6 hours away from home...and I got scared.
I chickened out and never looked back.
It's funny where life takes you, when you least expect it.
Since then I've had other aspirations, but nothing that have given me the satisfaction that this job has given me.
I love to see women happy.
I love to see how much better a woman feels when they are dressed in something pretty and fun!
I love to play with shoes...and handbags...and clothing...and jewelry.
I love fashion and I love my job.
But, aside from the fun stuff, I honestly love that I get to help women, and talk to them when they are having a bad day. Or, offer a hug when life's frustrations come our way.
I love that the most about my job.
You.
Ready for Day 7?
Here goes....
Item #7: What is your dream job, and why?
What I am doing, right now in my life, is my dream job.
I know it wasn't my dream job when I was a kid...
When I was younger, ever since I can remember up until my senior year of high school...all I wanted to be was a Chef.
That was it.
My dad took me to visit a cooking academy, about 6 hours away from home...and I got scared.
I chickened out and never looked back.
It's funny where life takes you, when you least expect it.
Since then I've had other aspirations, but nothing that have given me the satisfaction that this job has given me.
I love to see women happy.
I love to see how much better a woman feels when they are dressed in something pretty and fun!
I love to play with shoes...and handbags...and clothing...and jewelry.
I love fashion and I love my job.
But, aside from the fun stuff, I honestly love that I get to help women, and talk to them when they are having a bad day. Or, offer a hug when life's frustrations come our way.
I love that the most about my job.
You.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Day 6...30 Things.
Hello everyone!! I hope you all had a great weekend...full of fabulous fun!!
Ready for Day 6??
I am!
Here goes...
Item #6:
What is the hardest thing you've ever had to experience?
I've been thinking about this all morning...I keep coming up with hard things I've had to go through. Of course when you're in the middle of a struggle, all problems seem to be difficult.
When I moved to Kansas, being away from my mom, dad, brother, sisters and best friends was awful. Sometimes the ache in my heart was so bad I couldn't stand it.
Or I think about the trauma that my family and I experienced in the Philippines...between the numerous coup attempts that the rebels tried to overthrow the government...or when there was a huge earthquake in the Philippines and the aftershocks lasted for weeks.
All really bad stuff.
But, even when I thought things were nothing but doom and gloom...the light did eventually shine.
After much thought, I came up with what I think was the most difficult thing I've ever experienced. The reason I say it was the worst, was because it seemed to be attacking many different aspects of my life.
I don't like to talk about it much, because that pain is still there...I suppose it always will be.
My divorce.
It ripped my family apart, as well as my heart. It was awful...the darkest days of my life. There really were days that I didn't think it ever would get better.
I've said this a thousand times, even if you're the one who wants the divorce, it still sucks. Every single, solitary minute of it.
I hated seeing the pain that my kids were in.
I hated the way people looked at me, as if they knew what was going on in my life. People had no clue and yet the judgement was passed.
The gossip. Every day...
Even seeing my family hurting...everyone went through pain.
Some of the worst days were when I was alone...I hated having to share my time that was spent with the kids. I had spent almost every minute of my time with them, when I wasn't at work. Every bath they took was given my me. Every meal they ate was prepared by me. I was the one who washed all their clothes, tucked them in at night, read them their bedtime stories, prayed with them, took them to the park, played games with them. It was all me and then all of a sudden I had all this time alone. It was such a sad time in my life, my heart was so empty it almost seemed to echo.
My mom always said that Divorce is the gift that keeps on giving...she is right. Every holiday or major life event...summers...winter breaks...special times that I have to be apart from my kids...its' like a knife in the heart.
Not to sound pessimistic, but I don't know that it will ever get better. Sure, with time it gets easier...and the pain dulls a bit...but it's still there.
I thank God for His grace and mercy that help me through those times. And my family now...and when I pick them up, when they have been away from me...their huge smiles and giant bear hugs are what warms my soul.
There are blessings that came out of that pain...God gave me another kid to love. Instead of having 2 kids to spoil, I now have 3.
Great and perfect things come in threes...
Ready for Day 6??
I am!
Here goes...
Item #6:
What is the hardest thing you've ever had to experience?
I've been thinking about this all morning...I keep coming up with hard things I've had to go through. Of course when you're in the middle of a struggle, all problems seem to be difficult.
When I moved to Kansas, being away from my mom, dad, brother, sisters and best friends was awful. Sometimes the ache in my heart was so bad I couldn't stand it.
Or I think about the trauma that my family and I experienced in the Philippines...between the numerous coup attempts that the rebels tried to overthrow the government...or when there was a huge earthquake in the Philippines and the aftershocks lasted for weeks.
All really bad stuff.
But, even when I thought things were nothing but doom and gloom...the light did eventually shine.
After much thought, I came up with what I think was the most difficult thing I've ever experienced. The reason I say it was the worst, was because it seemed to be attacking many different aspects of my life.
I don't like to talk about it much, because that pain is still there...I suppose it always will be.
My divorce.
It ripped my family apart, as well as my heart. It was awful...the darkest days of my life. There really were days that I didn't think it ever would get better.
I've said this a thousand times, even if you're the one who wants the divorce, it still sucks. Every single, solitary minute of it.
I hated seeing the pain that my kids were in.
I hated the way people looked at me, as if they knew what was going on in my life. People had no clue and yet the judgement was passed.
The gossip. Every day...
Even seeing my family hurting...everyone went through pain.
Some of the worst days were when I was alone...I hated having to share my time that was spent with the kids. I had spent almost every minute of my time with them, when I wasn't at work. Every bath they took was given my me. Every meal they ate was prepared by me. I was the one who washed all their clothes, tucked them in at night, read them their bedtime stories, prayed with them, took them to the park, played games with them. It was all me and then all of a sudden I had all this time alone. It was such a sad time in my life, my heart was so empty it almost seemed to echo.
My mom always said that Divorce is the gift that keeps on giving...she is right. Every holiday or major life event...summers...winter breaks...special times that I have to be apart from my kids...its' like a knife in the heart.
Not to sound pessimistic, but I don't know that it will ever get better. Sure, with time it gets easier...and the pain dulls a bit...but it's still there.
I thank God for His grace and mercy that help me through those times. And my family now...and when I pick them up, when they have been away from me...their huge smiles and giant bear hugs are what warms my soul.
There are blessings that came out of that pain...God gave me another kid to love. Instead of having 2 kids to spoil, I now have 3.
Great and perfect things come in threes...
Friday, September 14, 2012
Day 5...30 Things.
Hello my sweet peeps!! We're on Day 5 now...
I must say, I have so enjoyed reading everyones posts...and I feel that I've really gotten to know some of you much better. The questions really do offer a glimpse into our souls :)
Ready for today's question?? Here goes...
Here's #5:
What are 5 things that make you MOST happy, RIGHT NOW?
1. My kids being with me...that all of them are happy in their lives...Brooke has a great job that she is doing very well at, Spencer is loving life with his football buddies...Jae is turning into a little fashion princess, complete with a new permed hair-do. They all laugh...they all smile..they all goof around. They are happy. When they are happy, I am happy.
2. My husband smiled today...and laughed. I haven't heard that for quite awhile. We have immense amounts of stress on us right now, as we are finishing up our basement. This has been a struggle and a journey for me...nothing like what I was expecting. I love Mark, with all my heart...and I love how his face lights up, when he is smiling from his soul.
3. My Bible. My Savior. I'll be honest, my stress level right now is OFF THE CHARTS...I'm scared...and worried about different things...however, I am trusting the Lord to watch over my heart and my life. Not a day will ever go by that I wont sing His praises. For whatever reason, He is allowing me to walk in the dark right now, but no matter what, I know He is right beside me. My Bible offers so much hope to me...this is what I read yesterday: Hebrews 7:25 Therefore He is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He ALWAYS LIVES to intercede for them. WOW, what a message!
4. My Temp-tations dishes...yes, dishes. I collect Temp-tations, they are these ceramic dishes that can be used for a multitude of different things. Even when I'm not using them, I love to look at them. They give me JOY! I love anything fun for my kitchen...because I love to cook, I love all sorts of fun serving dishes, pitchers, plates, gadgets...you name it!
5. HGTV's Buying & Selling...and Love it, or List it! I LOVE THESE SHOWS!! They give me a lot of inspiration and I love to see the different things these guys do with a little bit of elbow grease and a lot of imagination. Such fun shows...I've even got Jae bird in on the fun!
I must say, I have so enjoyed reading everyones posts...and I feel that I've really gotten to know some of you much better. The questions really do offer a glimpse into our souls :)
Ready for today's question?? Here goes...
Here's #5:
What are 5 things that make you MOST happy, RIGHT NOW?
1. My kids being with me...that all of them are happy in their lives...Brooke has a great job that she is doing very well at, Spencer is loving life with his football buddies...Jae is turning into a little fashion princess, complete with a new permed hair-do. They all laugh...they all smile..they all goof around. They are happy. When they are happy, I am happy.
2. My husband smiled today...and laughed. I haven't heard that for quite awhile. We have immense amounts of stress on us right now, as we are finishing up our basement. This has been a struggle and a journey for me...nothing like what I was expecting. I love Mark, with all my heart...and I love how his face lights up, when he is smiling from his soul.
3. My Bible. My Savior. I'll be honest, my stress level right now is OFF THE CHARTS...I'm scared...and worried about different things...however, I am trusting the Lord to watch over my heart and my life. Not a day will ever go by that I wont sing His praises. For whatever reason, He is allowing me to walk in the dark right now, but no matter what, I know He is right beside me. My Bible offers so much hope to me...this is what I read yesterday: Hebrews 7:25 Therefore He is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He ALWAYS LIVES to intercede for them. WOW, what a message!
4. My Temp-tations dishes...yes, dishes. I collect Temp-tations, they are these ceramic dishes that can be used for a multitude of different things. Even when I'm not using them, I love to look at them. They give me JOY! I love anything fun for my kitchen...because I love to cook, I love all sorts of fun serving dishes, pitchers, plates, gadgets...you name it!
5. HGTV's Buying & Selling...and Love it, or List it! I LOVE THESE SHOWS!! They give me a lot of inspiration and I love to see the different things these guys do with a little bit of elbow grease and a lot of imagination. Such fun shows...I've even got Jae bird in on the fun!
Thursday, September 13, 2012
30 Things...Day 4
Who's ready for Day 4 of 30 Things??
I am!! :)
Here's #4:
List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
1. Stay out as late as you can (don't break curfew though). You can be tired for the rest of your adult life.
2. Don't worry about having a boyfriend...spend as much time as you can with your best-est girlfriends. Because, usually boys just make life more complicated.
3. Go travel where ever you want to go. Go to Europe, Mexico, Asia, Russia...just go.
4. Finish College. Just do it. Suck it up buttercup and do it.
5. Don't get into credit card debt...again, you will have your whole life ahead of you, to be in debt.
6. Don't wish for life to happen before it's meant to be. Stop and savor the moments of your life.
7. Some aspects of school really do not matter...I've never had to worry about some of the things I studied in high school, in my real life.
8. Don't work too much...again, you will have your whole life to work. It sucks...that's why it's called work.
9. Don't stress about what you want to do with the rest of your life...everything falls into place.
10. Never take for granted the time you have with your family. Some day you wont be able to hug and kiss them whenever you want.
I am!! :)
Here's #4:
List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
1. Stay out as late as you can (don't break curfew though). You can be tired for the rest of your adult life.
2. Don't worry about having a boyfriend...spend as much time as you can with your best-est girlfriends. Because, usually boys just make life more complicated.
3. Go travel where ever you want to go. Go to Europe, Mexico, Asia, Russia...just go.
4. Finish College. Just do it. Suck it up buttercup and do it.
5. Don't get into credit card debt...again, you will have your whole life ahead of you, to be in debt.
6. Don't wish for life to happen before it's meant to be. Stop and savor the moments of your life.
7. Some aspects of school really do not matter...I've never had to worry about some of the things I studied in high school, in my real life.
8. Don't work too much...again, you will have your whole life to work. It sucks...that's why it's called work.
9. Don't stress about what you want to do with the rest of your life...everything falls into place.
10. Never take for granted the time you have with your family. Some day you wont be able to hug and kiss them whenever you want.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
30 Things...Day 3
Wow, it seems after all the comments yesterday, we're all afraid of much of the same things. I pray that in our lifetimes, many of our worst fears never come true.
Moving on to day 3...
Here's #3:
Describe your relationship with your parents.
First of all, I love my mom and dad, very much. I have always been close to them.
My memories of my mother, growing up, are of her and I, cooking in the kitchen. I suppose it was her that planted the love of cooking, in me. Looking back, I'm sure she had the patience of a saint to teach me how to really cook...
I also love what a Godly woman she is. I know that she believes in the Lord, with all her heart. When I was in high school, I watched her go through my parents divorce. It was awful seeing her hurt so bad...but never once did she falter in her relationship with God. I've always appreciated that about her.
My mom is also very crazy sometimes (not in a bad way)...and I love the wacky, crazy things she does. My siblings and I love to tease her, because she asks us the SAME THINGS, time and time again. Never changes. And, she has to talk with her hands...if she had her hands tied together, she would be mute.
That is something else I will always remember about my mother: the shape of her hands...they are so pretty. Mine are boxy and ugly...but my moms are pretty and dainty. I love them...I can still see in my minds eye, laying on her lap somewhere, with her hands stroking my hair...ah, the sweet touch of a mothers love.
Oh, and one more thing: whenever I smell Opium or Cinnabar, I think of my mom...she always used to wear those perfumes. To this day, whenever I smell them, I think of her.
She is a sweet woman, one that would do almost anything for you. I love her.
Now, my dad...
My dad...looking back, I don't know that I would classify myself as being somewhat of a "daddy's girl"...I really would say I was my "parents' girl"...now, may be a bit of a difference though. I love my father, so much...I think he's just about the best man that God has ever placed on this planet. He is wise, loyal and loving.
What I remember about my childhood, from my dad, was what an amazing preacher he was. Looking back, I wish that I could go back and listen to his sermons, knowing what I know now in my life. What does a 10 year old know about a sermon? I wish I could go back in time and listen to him preach again.
I remember playing Colecovision (video game) with my dad...we would have these challenges with Pinball and Frogger...it was intense, let me tell you.
It was also into my young adult years that I figured out a trick of my dads...for every occasion where you would receive a gift, my dad would ALWAYS guess what we gave him...He would shake the box and say to us: "I think it's a shirt", or "I think it's a tie"....we would then say "oh man...how did you know??" He would just laugh...it was years before I figured out that he didn't know...we would tell him by our reaction.
Incidentally, I also love my dad's hands...I love the shape of them and how it feels when he pats my back when he hugs me. He used to wear this really nice black onyx ring...I always loved how that looked.
My dad is still the person I call when I'm upset about something. He is still the one that I trust probably more than anyone else...and he's the one that I call when I have a problem that I can't figure out.
I am so thankful for the parent's I have. They are both amazing people...I am blessed beyond measure to have them as mine.
I love you, Mom & Dad.
Moving on to day 3...
Here's #3:
Describe your relationship with your parents.
First of all, I love my mom and dad, very much. I have always been close to them.
My memories of my mother, growing up, are of her and I, cooking in the kitchen. I suppose it was her that planted the love of cooking, in me. Looking back, I'm sure she had the patience of a saint to teach me how to really cook...
I also love what a Godly woman she is. I know that she believes in the Lord, with all her heart. When I was in high school, I watched her go through my parents divorce. It was awful seeing her hurt so bad...but never once did she falter in her relationship with God. I've always appreciated that about her.
My mom is also very crazy sometimes (not in a bad way)...and I love the wacky, crazy things she does. My siblings and I love to tease her, because she asks us the SAME THINGS, time and time again. Never changes. And, she has to talk with her hands...if she had her hands tied together, she would be mute.
That is something else I will always remember about my mother: the shape of her hands...they are so pretty. Mine are boxy and ugly...but my moms are pretty and dainty. I love them...I can still see in my minds eye, laying on her lap somewhere, with her hands stroking my hair...ah, the sweet touch of a mothers love.
Oh, and one more thing: whenever I smell Opium or Cinnabar, I think of my mom...she always used to wear those perfumes. To this day, whenever I smell them, I think of her.
She is a sweet woman, one that would do almost anything for you. I love her.
Now, my dad...
My dad...looking back, I don't know that I would classify myself as being somewhat of a "daddy's girl"...I really would say I was my "parents' girl"...now, may be a bit of a difference though. I love my father, so much...I think he's just about the best man that God has ever placed on this planet. He is wise, loyal and loving.
What I remember about my childhood, from my dad, was what an amazing preacher he was. Looking back, I wish that I could go back and listen to his sermons, knowing what I know now in my life. What does a 10 year old know about a sermon? I wish I could go back in time and listen to him preach again.
I remember playing Colecovision (video game) with my dad...we would have these challenges with Pinball and Frogger...it was intense, let me tell you.
It was also into my young adult years that I figured out a trick of my dads...for every occasion where you would receive a gift, my dad would ALWAYS guess what we gave him...He would shake the box and say to us: "I think it's a shirt", or "I think it's a tie"....we would then say "oh man...how did you know??" He would just laugh...it was years before I figured out that he didn't know...we would tell him by our reaction.
Incidentally, I also love my dad's hands...I love the shape of them and how it feels when he pats my back when he hugs me. He used to wear this really nice black onyx ring...I always loved how that looked.
My dad is still the person I call when I'm upset about something. He is still the one that I trust probably more than anyone else...and he's the one that I call when I have a problem that I can't figure out.
I am so thankful for the parent's I have. They are both amazing people...I am blessed beyond measure to have them as mine.
I love you, Mom & Dad.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
30 Things...Day 2 of our Totally Fab Game!
Thanks for playing along yesterday...I enjoyed reading the posts and comments!
Ready for our second item??
Here goes!!
Here's #2:
Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
Man, this is hard to write about...hard to put yourself out there and be vulnerable...
1. I am afraid of being burned alive. I don't know why this is so scary to me, but I don't want to experience immense pain before I die. I guess in a way, I'm afraid of terror. I would be afraid of dying in a plane crash, or drowning or being murdered. I also don't want to be shot. I think that would suck...I guess I've watched way too many movies.
2. I am afraid my kids will leave. Their father lives in Nebraska, so they split their time between us. The school year is spent with me and most of the summer is with their dad. At my house, we have rules, bedtime, chores, dinnertime...a schedule. I know that a kid needs both parents in their life, but much of the time that is spent away from me is all fun and games. I pray they understand that we all need structure and rules to live happy lives.
3. I am afraid of when my Parents will pass away. I suppose I'm afraid of the grief that will come with that. This world will not be the same without them in it...
Ready for our second item??
Here goes!!
Here's #2:
Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
Man, this is hard to write about...hard to put yourself out there and be vulnerable...
1. I am afraid of being burned alive. I don't know why this is so scary to me, but I don't want to experience immense pain before I die. I guess in a way, I'm afraid of terror. I would be afraid of dying in a plane crash, or drowning or being murdered. I also don't want to be shot. I think that would suck...I guess I've watched way too many movies.
2. I am afraid my kids will leave. Their father lives in Nebraska, so they split their time between us. The school year is spent with me and most of the summer is with their dad. At my house, we have rules, bedtime, chores, dinnertime...a schedule. I know that a kid needs both parents in their life, but much of the time that is spent away from me is all fun and games. I pray they understand that we all need structure and rules to live happy lives.
3. I am afraid of when my Parents will pass away. I suppose I'm afraid of the grief that will come with that. This world will not be the same without them in it...
Monday, September 10, 2012
30 THINGS...A Totally FAB Game
30 THINGS.
Let's play a little game, shall we? Every day, for the next 30 days I will post a question or statement. I promise to answer honestly and with an open heart. In turn, in the comment box, you can either comment on my randomness, or post your own response, thoughts or feelings to the question/statement. My hopes are that we can all get to know each other better...plus, I think it will be lots of fun!
So, who's with me??
Ready to play??!!
Here goes...
Here's #1 on the list:
List 10 RANDOM facts about YOURSELF!
1. I will NOT eat anything that swims. NOTHING. Don't even try to get it past me...I know. :)
2. I have OCD tendencies....I like things in order. Even pillows on a couch...or spices in a spice rack..or cheese in the fridge...Don't judge.
3. If I am wearing jeans or pants with belt loops, I must wear a belt. No exceptions.
4. If I see a penny heads down, I will NOT pick it up. Even if it's in my road. I know this is a weird superstition...
5. If I don't make my bed before I leave for work, I have a bad day. It's like a little grey cloud that follows me everywhere.
6. When I am at home, by myself, I love to listen to classical music.
7. I have 5 tattoos and I think everyone of them are beautiful.
8. To this day, I still bawl like a baby when I watch the movie "The Way We Were". It gets me every. single. time.
9. I am afraid of heights. My husband, does not seem to pay attention to my fear, or chooses to ignore my screams of terror when he makes me climb up on hay bales to help him out.
10. I have read the Bible, front to cover, multiple times.
Let's play a little game, shall we? Every day, for the next 30 days I will post a question or statement. I promise to answer honestly and with an open heart. In turn, in the comment box, you can either comment on my randomness, or post your own response, thoughts or feelings to the question/statement. My hopes are that we can all get to know each other better...plus, I think it will be lots of fun!
So, who's with me??
Ready to play??!!
Here goes...
Here's #1 on the list:
List 10 RANDOM facts about YOURSELF!
1. I will NOT eat anything that swims. NOTHING. Don't even try to get it past me...I know. :)
2. I have OCD tendencies....I like things in order. Even pillows on a couch...or spices in a spice rack..or cheese in the fridge...Don't judge.
3. If I am wearing jeans or pants with belt loops, I must wear a belt. No exceptions.
4. If I see a penny heads down, I will NOT pick it up. Even if it's in my road. I know this is a weird superstition...
5. If I don't make my bed before I leave for work, I have a bad day. It's like a little grey cloud that follows me everywhere.
6. When I am at home, by myself, I love to listen to classical music.
7. I have 5 tattoos and I think everyone of them are beautiful.
8. To this day, I still bawl like a baby when I watch the movie "The Way We Were". It gets me every. single. time.
9. I am afraid of heights. My husband, does not seem to pay attention to my fear, or chooses to ignore my screams of terror when he makes me climb up on hay bales to help him out.
10. I have read the Bible, front to cover, multiple times.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Proceed with Caution!
Lately, I feel like exploding.
I hate the feeling!
More than anything, I hate how I feel, leading up to those explosions. You know what I mean? When you've lost your temper and you can honest-to-goodness feel the heat crawling up the back of your neck? You can't bite your tongue for one more minute and then the explosion comes...
Words, frustration and anger seem to spew out of your mouth.
I think I hate what comes next, even more though: the guilty feeling that inevitably sets in. It comes because you know you should have tried harder to keep your feelings in check, but also because we know the explosion is not a true indicator of who we really are. Our emotions have gotten the best of us (again).
In the last few weeks, I've felt like I should have a warning label stamped on my head: PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
It's STRESS! I used to think that I handled stress fairly well...until I had kids. I don't know what it was about giving birth that made my patience switch flip off so quickly.
Anyway, as issues and problems in my life seem to pile up in huge mounds, it feels like I am handling things worse and worse. I feel like I have all these problems (life) coming at me, from every direction and I try to remain calm. However, the harder I try to keep my emotions in tact, the worse it seems to get.
From all the different "situations" that I'm experiencing right now, for whatever reason it has put me on this terribly huge emotional roller coaster. I get frustrated, angry, hurt, tired, worn out, emotionally drained and then I end up back to being angry again.
NOT GOOD.
I WANT OFF THIS COASTER!
My bestest friend in the whole wide world, Danielle, is an amazing source of wisdom and inspiration for me. God put her in my life, all the way back in 1992 and we have been the best of friends ever since. Although we don't live anywhere near each other, lately we've been chatting almost every day. We experienced our teenage years together, church youth group, crushes, concerts, midnight runs to the Waffle House...we were even college roommates! We are about as polar opposites as they come...but I infinitely love her. We used to say that we wanted to marry male versions of each other. My Mark is definitely a lot like Danielle and I enjoy hearing the OCD tendencies of her husband Ken. Nothing makes me smile more than hearing how he likes to pack a car...and it drives her crazy!
When we were in high school, she used to watch me make my bed in my room, because I never went a day without making it (I still have this OCD trait). After the bed was made, she would go over and sit on it and mess it up. THEN, she would tackle me and keep me pinned down and FORCE me to NOT make my bed again. She would laugh and I would squirm.
Ahh, the great memories of our friendship...
Anywho, moving on...one of the things that I love the most about Danielle is her ability to keep things REAL. I mean, she is as real as it gets. She doesn't worry about hurting my feelings when my thinking is wrong...she doesn't sugar coat things for me. She is just honest..but it is always in love (Brutal honesty is easier to swallow when you know the other person really loves you). There is no need for me to hold my feelings back, because she already knows whats going on in my head. Shes the best kind of friend (and sister)!
Lately, we've been talking a lot about emotions and blowing up. Although it's the best thing in the whole wide world (truly it is), being a mom causes a lot of stress! To make matters worse, women in general are very emotional, which only increases the stress levels we all experience. I know I tend to absorb the emotions and feelings that are surrounding me (I know this is a problem, one I am working on)...so, if my family is happy, I usually have an easier time dealing with "things"...when everyone is grumpy...I'm grumpy...AND STRESSED!
Danielle told me about a book that I would HIGHLY recommend to you, to read. It's called Unglued and its written by Lysa TerKeurst. The book, as it may, deals SPECIFICALLY with what I am struggling with, precisely right now in my life. How crazy is that??
As I'm reading it, I find myself completely identifying with the author. She really gets it! She yelled at her kids about the towels on the floor! She gets upset and discouraged when others hurt her. She doesn't quite know how to manage her emotions sometimes either!
What a comfort it is, to know that I'm not the only woman on this crazy roller coaster ride of emotions, that there are other women that struggle with this (that want off the ride too...but just don't quite know how to get off!). I think that many times, we as Christians have the pressure of how we handle situations, because we are commanded in the Bible to "turn the other cheek"..."forgive"..."be slow to anger"...I get it, I really do...Jesus wants us to forgive. I can do that...but how do you handle all the stress, feelings and wretched raw (and very real) emotions that many of us experience? We can't just blink them away...I know I can't (I've tried...over and over!!).
What I have learned so far from her book is that part of the reason we struggle so much, as women, is that we place far too much pressure on our own selves. Its all about putting realistic expectations on ourselves and taking realistic steps in trying to improve ourselves. It's about understanding that we are not always going to have it together...
The kids WILL leave towels on the floor. (and it's gonna tick me off)
The Internet WILL go down sometimes. (and it will be a pain!)
My husband WILL leave his dirty jeans on the kitchen table sometimes. (how many times??)
The house WILL NOT always be picture-perfect and clean. (I need a maid...or an extra 5 hours in each day)
People WILL say things that hurt. (we're human)
It's going to happen. I might as well face it...
The key is having a game-plan ready for whatever comes our way.
So, that's where I am right now...working on my game plan. Trying to come up with ways, to prevent the explosion. Trying to focus on all the amazingly good things in my life, rather than dwell and brood on the negative.
Negative feelings breed more negative feelings. Anger feeds anger.
How do you get out of that cycle...or off the roller coaster?
I had a friend of mine come in the shop the other day and long-story-short, we started chatting. The conversation lead to the topic of the book that I have just started reading. She told me that her daughter-in-law had requested the book for a birthday present, because she was struggling with the same issues. A full time working mom, with young kids, a house, a husband...you name it...the recipe for a mom cooking under pressure. As we were chatting, I shared with her some of my frustrations and the angry, hurt emotions that I can't seem to let go of....I'm trying...and yet they keep surfacing!
She opened up with me and told me about a similar situation that happened to her, many years ago. Words were said to her that cut her to the soul. Words that were meant to hurt and destroy...how do you forget them? How can a person heal if they hear those words over and over again in their head? It's like ripping a band-aid off, every 5 minutes!...it's never gonna heal! She told me it was a long time before she was able to put it behind her, but there was a key to her success:
( I love what she told me)
She CHANGED her prayer.
That was it. Instead of praying to be able to move past the situation and forgive the person...she asked God to help her FORGET the words. That was it. (it's so simple!) Every time those words would creep into her head, she would simply ask God to let her FORGET the words.
What she shared with me was BRILLIANT. My God can help me FORGET the words, so that in time, I can really forgive. If we don't know what we're upset about, its not so hard to forgive, is it?
I'm so thankful that I have wise, Godly women in my life.
So, as I prepare my game plan for the upcoming situations that WILL come my way in life, I am convinced that by changing my prayer, it will help me deal with the situations not yet foreseen in my future.
There is one other thing that I am working on...(and I invite any of you, who wish to join in my project with me)
Danielle and I are working on a memory verse challenge. Each week we work on memorizing a Scripture verse...and this is why:
If you BREATHE in the word of God...you will EXHALE the word of God.
I have asked the Lord to show me areas of growth in my life...obviously my patience and self-control is one area that He wants me to work on. I am committed to what the Lord wants to do with me...and these lessons are hard for me to learn...but I know that God is in control of it all. (Even when it feels like there is a downpour in my life).
P.S. Just so you know...if you ask God to stretch you...He WILL! Be ready for it! :)
" I, therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." ~Ephesians 4:1-3
I hate the feeling!
More than anything, I hate how I feel, leading up to those explosions. You know what I mean? When you've lost your temper and you can honest-to-goodness feel the heat crawling up the back of your neck? You can't bite your tongue for one more minute and then the explosion comes...
Words, frustration and anger seem to spew out of your mouth.
I think I hate what comes next, even more though: the guilty feeling that inevitably sets in. It comes because you know you should have tried harder to keep your feelings in check, but also because we know the explosion is not a true indicator of who we really are. Our emotions have gotten the best of us (again).
In the last few weeks, I've felt like I should have a warning label stamped on my head: PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
It's STRESS! I used to think that I handled stress fairly well...until I had kids. I don't know what it was about giving birth that made my patience switch flip off so quickly.
Anyway, as issues and problems in my life seem to pile up in huge mounds, it feels like I am handling things worse and worse. I feel like I have all these problems (life) coming at me, from every direction and I try to remain calm. However, the harder I try to keep my emotions in tact, the worse it seems to get.
From all the different "situations" that I'm experiencing right now, for whatever reason it has put me on this terribly huge emotional roller coaster. I get frustrated, angry, hurt, tired, worn out, emotionally drained and then I end up back to being angry again.
NOT GOOD.
I WANT OFF THIS COASTER!
My bestest friend in the whole wide world, Danielle, is an amazing source of wisdom and inspiration for me. God put her in my life, all the way back in 1992 and we have been the best of friends ever since. Although we don't live anywhere near each other, lately we've been chatting almost every day. We experienced our teenage years together, church youth group, crushes, concerts, midnight runs to the Waffle House...we were even college roommates! We are about as polar opposites as they come...but I infinitely love her. We used to say that we wanted to marry male versions of each other. My Mark is definitely a lot like Danielle and I enjoy hearing the OCD tendencies of her husband Ken. Nothing makes me smile more than hearing how he likes to pack a car...and it drives her crazy!
When we were in high school, she used to watch me make my bed in my room, because I never went a day without making it (I still have this OCD trait). After the bed was made, she would go over and sit on it and mess it up. THEN, she would tackle me and keep me pinned down and FORCE me to NOT make my bed again. She would laugh and I would squirm.
Ahh, the great memories of our friendship...
Anywho, moving on...one of the things that I love the most about Danielle is her ability to keep things REAL. I mean, she is as real as it gets. She doesn't worry about hurting my feelings when my thinking is wrong...she doesn't sugar coat things for me. She is just honest..but it is always in love (Brutal honesty is easier to swallow when you know the other person really loves you). There is no need for me to hold my feelings back, because she already knows whats going on in my head. Shes the best kind of friend (and sister)!
Lately, we've been talking a lot about emotions and blowing up. Although it's the best thing in the whole wide world (truly it is), being a mom causes a lot of stress! To make matters worse, women in general are very emotional, which only increases the stress levels we all experience. I know I tend to absorb the emotions and feelings that are surrounding me (I know this is a problem, one I am working on)...so, if my family is happy, I usually have an easier time dealing with "things"...when everyone is grumpy...I'm grumpy...AND STRESSED!
Danielle told me about a book that I would HIGHLY recommend to you, to read. It's called Unglued and its written by Lysa TerKeurst. The book, as it may, deals SPECIFICALLY with what I am struggling with, precisely right now in my life. How crazy is that??
As I'm reading it, I find myself completely identifying with the author. She really gets it! She yelled at her kids about the towels on the floor! She gets upset and discouraged when others hurt her. She doesn't quite know how to manage her emotions sometimes either!
What a comfort it is, to know that I'm not the only woman on this crazy roller coaster ride of emotions, that there are other women that struggle with this (that want off the ride too...but just don't quite know how to get off!). I think that many times, we as Christians have the pressure of how we handle situations, because we are commanded in the Bible to "turn the other cheek"..."forgive"..."be slow to anger"...I get it, I really do...Jesus wants us to forgive. I can do that...but how do you handle all the stress, feelings and wretched raw (and very real) emotions that many of us experience? We can't just blink them away...I know I can't (I've tried...over and over!!).
What I have learned so far from her book is that part of the reason we struggle so much, as women, is that we place far too much pressure on our own selves. Its all about putting realistic expectations on ourselves and taking realistic steps in trying to improve ourselves. It's about understanding that we are not always going to have it together...
The kids WILL leave towels on the floor. (and it's gonna tick me off)
The Internet WILL go down sometimes. (and it will be a pain!)
My husband WILL leave his dirty jeans on the kitchen table sometimes. (how many times??)
The house WILL NOT always be picture-perfect and clean. (I need a maid...or an extra 5 hours in each day)
People WILL say things that hurt. (we're human)
It's going to happen. I might as well face it...
The key is having a game-plan ready for whatever comes our way.
So, that's where I am right now...working on my game plan. Trying to come up with ways, to prevent the explosion. Trying to focus on all the amazingly good things in my life, rather than dwell and brood on the negative.
Negative feelings breed more negative feelings. Anger feeds anger.
How do you get out of that cycle...or off the roller coaster?
I had a friend of mine come in the shop the other day and long-story-short, we started chatting. The conversation lead to the topic of the book that I have just started reading. She told me that her daughter-in-law had requested the book for a birthday present, because she was struggling with the same issues. A full time working mom, with young kids, a house, a husband...you name it...the recipe for a mom cooking under pressure. As we were chatting, I shared with her some of my frustrations and the angry, hurt emotions that I can't seem to let go of....I'm trying...and yet they keep surfacing!
She opened up with me and told me about a similar situation that happened to her, many years ago. Words were said to her that cut her to the soul. Words that were meant to hurt and destroy...how do you forget them? How can a person heal if they hear those words over and over again in their head? It's like ripping a band-aid off, every 5 minutes!...it's never gonna heal! She told me it was a long time before she was able to put it behind her, but there was a key to her success:
( I love what she told me)
She CHANGED her prayer.
That was it. Instead of praying to be able to move past the situation and forgive the person...she asked God to help her FORGET the words. That was it. (it's so simple!) Every time those words would creep into her head, she would simply ask God to let her FORGET the words.
What she shared with me was BRILLIANT. My God can help me FORGET the words, so that in time, I can really forgive. If we don't know what we're upset about, its not so hard to forgive, is it?
I'm so thankful that I have wise, Godly women in my life.
So, as I prepare my game plan for the upcoming situations that WILL come my way in life, I am convinced that by changing my prayer, it will help me deal with the situations not yet foreseen in my future.
There is one other thing that I am working on...(and I invite any of you, who wish to join in my project with me)
Danielle and I are working on a memory verse challenge. Each week we work on memorizing a Scripture verse...and this is why:
If you BREATHE in the word of God...you will EXHALE the word of God.
I have asked the Lord to show me areas of growth in my life...obviously my patience and self-control is one area that He wants me to work on. I am committed to what the Lord wants to do with me...and these lessons are hard for me to learn...but I know that God is in control of it all. (Even when it feels like there is a downpour in my life).
P.S. Just so you know...if you ask God to stretch you...He WILL! Be ready for it! :)
Danielle and I, sharing a dance at my wedding, last year
" I, therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." ~Ephesians 4:1-3
Monday, August 20, 2012
Fear & Faith
I used to suffer from anxiety attacks.
After having Jae (my youngest girl), I had postpartum depression (Yes, Mr. Tom Cruise, postpartum is a real thing...and no, I couldn't just "get over it"). I don't quite understand how depression begins, or why people have to suffer from it, but they do. Its a very real thing...and it's very scary.
All the dark, sad feelings that I was experiencing, were making me feel like I was crazy. I knew something wasn't right, but I didn't understand why I couldn't snap out of it. I desperately wanted to feel happy and joyful like I was used to feeling, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape the dark cloud that followed me. As my depression progressed, the vicious cycle began. Because I couldn't just snap out of it, I got angry. Looking back, I think I was angry at everyone: at myself, my family, my friends...and God. I would pray for relief and it just wouldn't come.
I began to feel myself spiral down out of reality. I became increasingly moody, scared and even more depressed. I would wake up crying in the middle of the night, terrified that someone was going to burn Jae. The panic attacks would frighten me to the point of extreme anxiety. I would cry, sob, hyperventilate, sweat and make myself sick. It felt like there was no escape for the anguish in my heart.
It was awful.
During that time, there were other stresses that helped to escalate the depression...my home life, my work, the fact that I was completely isolated from my parents and siblings...Spencer (my son) was really sick during that time, so that added an immense amount of stress to my load. Paired with my overwhelming need to please others in an attempt to repair my completely destroyed self esteem, it's safe to say I was a ticking time-bomb.
I remember the moment when I knew I really needed help...my Dad and Aunt Sharon came to visit me. As they sat me down to have a chat with me, I couldn't even look them both in the eye. Sadly, they both told me I was disappearing...
I was no longer the person they knew...but this twisted up, emotionally wrecked woman who had no support system and was fading away.
I should of stood up to the negatives in my life at that point, but I didn't. I couldn't. I didn't know how...
What they did do was succeed in making me realize that there was a problem. I got a little better, at least I was able to control the anxiety a bit more. My doctor began to treat the hormone imbalance that was wreaking havoc on my body, causing the mood swings to ease up. I was a bit better, but deep down I was still fighting the depression and anxiety back.
Until, one day the light clicked on.
No longer was I going to suffer from the emotional abuse and depression that I was being oppressed by.
I wish I could tell you at that moment everything got better...
But, it didn't. Not for several years, really.
It was at a Christmas Eve service a few years ago, at my church, that I finally turned around to His light. For the first time in a long time, I finally felt the warmth and love of our Saviors embrace. It was a quote on the bulletin that made me choke up all the grief that I had been holding on to for so long. I wish I could remember the quote exactly, but it was something about no matter how far away we feel or have walked from the Lord, all it takes is one step back.
That's it. One step back. Not a million...no hoops to jump through...no papers to sign...just ONE STEP BACK.
Have you ever been in a really dark room, for a long time and then go outside to a really bright sun, almost so that it's overwhelming? That's how it was for me...the loving, warm, peaceful light that Jesus had at that moment was overwhelming to me. His love still overwhelms me, when I think of that moment. I've been a Christian for almost all of my life, but it was at that moment that He saved me from my own hurt.
Immediately, I felt the forgiveness, comfort and peace that can only come from Jesus. I remember the feeling of worthlessness that I felt, begin to fade away. It was replaced by thankfulness. I remember the sadness that had tormented me, be replaced with the overwhelming feeling of grace and mercy.
It was a turning point in my life. From that point on, I determined to never let anything ever come between my walk with the Lord. Not even my own grief.
I wish I could tell you that I don't suffer from anxiety anymore, or even depression or sad thoughts. I still do. But, I always have the memories of that dark storm to prevent me from ever going down that path again.
Lately, I've been frustrated and sad. And scared. Our economy is not good and because of the lack of rain, it seems like our local community is struggling a bit. It scares me!
On a personal level, my heart is wrestling with hurt and frustration. Some days the hurt seems so daunting that I want to scream! I wish I could just push it away...but there it remains.
And then I'm reminded of something:
It's exactly what Satan wants us to feel like. He wants our families to be torn apart by harsh words, misunderstandings, feelings of resentment...
He doesn't want to see families come together and love and support each other. He doesn't want to see people turn to Jesus in their grief.
He wants me to get so worried about financial matters or economic issues that I have a panic attack...in fact HE LOVES IT. When I let anxiety and fear claim my life, Satan wins.
Ticks me off.
When I get worked up, I sit and read my Bible. The words of the Psalms, Job and Jeremiah are always a comfort to me. I pray too. I literally talk to God and ask Him to calm my nerves...it always helps me!
I was chatting with a new friend of mine, Elizabeth, last week and she told me something that is still ringing in my ears (even as I write this). She told me "God is never early, He is always ON TIME".
How true that is! When I look back, even in the darkness, I see how God never left my side. And as crazy as this may sound, I am thankful for the experiences that I had. God was able to give me a heart towards other women who are suffering, like I did.
In my pain, He gave me a purpose!
You have a purpose too.
I'm sure there is something in your life that is scary to you...something that rocks your faith a bit, or makes you worry. I know this is easier said than done, but God doesn't want us to worry. He's got it all under control!
When I stop to think calmly about it like that, it becomes clear to me that Faith is not just something we refer to when speaking about religion.
Faith is a VERB. It's trusting that no matter what, God will take care of us. Faith takes action on our part. We can't experience the peace of Christ, unless we give Him all of us...fears and all! Even when we don't understand how it's even possible for God to fix something, Faith is trusting God to bring us through the storm, understanding that He is shaping and molding us for His purpose...even in pain.
My prayer for you is that you don't lose Faith. Don't lose heart. Don't give up. Trust God to watch over your broken heart, your spirit, your fears and your dreams. He will never leave us or forsake us. NEVER.
After having Jae (my youngest girl), I had postpartum depression (Yes, Mr. Tom Cruise, postpartum is a real thing...and no, I couldn't just "get over it"). I don't quite understand how depression begins, or why people have to suffer from it, but they do. Its a very real thing...and it's very scary.
All the dark, sad feelings that I was experiencing, were making me feel like I was crazy. I knew something wasn't right, but I didn't understand why I couldn't snap out of it. I desperately wanted to feel happy and joyful like I was used to feeling, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape the dark cloud that followed me. As my depression progressed, the vicious cycle began. Because I couldn't just snap out of it, I got angry. Looking back, I think I was angry at everyone: at myself, my family, my friends...and God. I would pray for relief and it just wouldn't come.
I began to feel myself spiral down out of reality. I became increasingly moody, scared and even more depressed. I would wake up crying in the middle of the night, terrified that someone was going to burn Jae. The panic attacks would frighten me to the point of extreme anxiety. I would cry, sob, hyperventilate, sweat and make myself sick. It felt like there was no escape for the anguish in my heart.
It was awful.
During that time, there were other stresses that helped to escalate the depression...my home life, my work, the fact that I was completely isolated from my parents and siblings...Spencer (my son) was really sick during that time, so that added an immense amount of stress to my load. Paired with my overwhelming need to please others in an attempt to repair my completely destroyed self esteem, it's safe to say I was a ticking time-bomb.
I remember the moment when I knew I really needed help...my Dad and Aunt Sharon came to visit me. As they sat me down to have a chat with me, I couldn't even look them both in the eye. Sadly, they both told me I was disappearing...
I was no longer the person they knew...but this twisted up, emotionally wrecked woman who had no support system and was fading away.
I should of stood up to the negatives in my life at that point, but I didn't. I couldn't. I didn't know how...
What they did do was succeed in making me realize that there was a problem. I got a little better, at least I was able to control the anxiety a bit more. My doctor began to treat the hormone imbalance that was wreaking havoc on my body, causing the mood swings to ease up. I was a bit better, but deep down I was still fighting the depression and anxiety back.
Until, one day the light clicked on.
No longer was I going to suffer from the emotional abuse and depression that I was being oppressed by.
I wish I could tell you at that moment everything got better...
But, it didn't. Not for several years, really.
It was at a Christmas Eve service a few years ago, at my church, that I finally turned around to His light. For the first time in a long time, I finally felt the warmth and love of our Saviors embrace. It was a quote on the bulletin that made me choke up all the grief that I had been holding on to for so long. I wish I could remember the quote exactly, but it was something about no matter how far away we feel or have walked from the Lord, all it takes is one step back.
That's it. One step back. Not a million...no hoops to jump through...no papers to sign...just ONE STEP BACK.
Have you ever been in a really dark room, for a long time and then go outside to a really bright sun, almost so that it's overwhelming? That's how it was for me...the loving, warm, peaceful light that Jesus had at that moment was overwhelming to me. His love still overwhelms me, when I think of that moment. I've been a Christian for almost all of my life, but it was at that moment that He saved me from my own hurt.
Immediately, I felt the forgiveness, comfort and peace that can only come from Jesus. I remember the feeling of worthlessness that I felt, begin to fade away. It was replaced by thankfulness. I remember the sadness that had tormented me, be replaced with the overwhelming feeling of grace and mercy.
It was a turning point in my life. From that point on, I determined to never let anything ever come between my walk with the Lord. Not even my own grief.
I wish I could tell you that I don't suffer from anxiety anymore, or even depression or sad thoughts. I still do. But, I always have the memories of that dark storm to prevent me from ever going down that path again.
Lately, I've been frustrated and sad. And scared. Our economy is not good and because of the lack of rain, it seems like our local community is struggling a bit. It scares me!
On a personal level, my heart is wrestling with hurt and frustration. Some days the hurt seems so daunting that I want to scream! I wish I could just push it away...but there it remains.
And then I'm reminded of something:
It's exactly what Satan wants us to feel like. He wants our families to be torn apart by harsh words, misunderstandings, feelings of resentment...
He doesn't want to see families come together and love and support each other. He doesn't want to see people turn to Jesus in their grief.
He wants me to get so worried about financial matters or economic issues that I have a panic attack...in fact HE LOVES IT. When I let anxiety and fear claim my life, Satan wins.
Ticks me off.
When I get worked up, I sit and read my Bible. The words of the Psalms, Job and Jeremiah are always a comfort to me. I pray too. I literally talk to God and ask Him to calm my nerves...it always helps me!
I was chatting with a new friend of mine, Elizabeth, last week and she told me something that is still ringing in my ears (even as I write this). She told me "God is never early, He is always ON TIME".
How true that is! When I look back, even in the darkness, I see how God never left my side. And as crazy as this may sound, I am thankful for the experiences that I had. God was able to give me a heart towards other women who are suffering, like I did.
In my pain, He gave me a purpose!
You have a purpose too.
I'm sure there is something in your life that is scary to you...something that rocks your faith a bit, or makes you worry. I know this is easier said than done, but God doesn't want us to worry. He's got it all under control!
When I stop to think calmly about it like that, it becomes clear to me that Faith is not just something we refer to when speaking about religion.
Faith is a VERB. It's trusting that no matter what, God will take care of us. Faith takes action on our part. We can't experience the peace of Christ, unless we give Him all of us...fears and all! Even when we don't understand how it's even possible for God to fix something, Faith is trusting God to bring us through the storm, understanding that He is shaping and molding us for His purpose...even in pain.
My prayer for you is that you don't lose Faith. Don't lose heart. Don't give up. Trust God to watch over your broken heart, your spirit, your fears and your dreams. He will never leave us or forsake us. NEVER.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~ Jeremiah 29:11Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Behold...the FLUFFERNUTTER.
There are a few foods that will FORCE me to forget my diet for just a few moments...
The Fluffernutter is one of them.
Have you ever experienced the true simplistic joy that only a fluffernutter can bring?
When I was in high school, I used to make them for my youngest sister Sarah and I...we still talk about how amazing those sandwiches are.
And occasionally I succumb to the temptation. She posted on my facebook wall the other day: FLUFFERNUTTER!! The sheer mention of its name makes me crave one...and there I go, off to the grocery store to purchase the necessary items...
What's in a fluffernutter, you may ask? (Silly name, yes, I know...but OH SO GOOD).
For those of you who have never had the privilege of partaking of this divine concoction, I will divulge the secrets to making the PERFECT Fluffernutter.
First, you must have bread (no rolls or buns). Ideally, white bread is really the best, but I practically refuse to eat white bread if I can help it...(it really is like glue to your body)...so I use wheat.
You MUST TOAST your bread.
Next: Peanut Butter (Yes, one of the most-perfect-foods-in-the-whole-wide-world). You can see I use the reduced-fat version, to try to somewhat appease my healthy side. Feel free to go for the full-fat version though, if your little heart desires.
.JPG)
Spread your peanut butter, on your toast, as thick or thin as you like it. (Sometimes more really is better...okay, so maybe that sounds a little bit gluttonous). It's best if both pieces of bread have the peanut butter spread on them.
Then, comes the reason why the Fluffernutter is in a class of delectable snacking all of its own:
FLUFF. Yes, Marshmallow Fluff.
Spread the Fluff generously, on one side of the peanut butter covered toast.
.JPG)
Then, sandwich the two pieces of toast together. Cut in half and place on a pretty plate (Yes, things really do taste better on pretty plates).
Prepare yourself for a true culinary masterpiece.
Take a bite, close your eyes, and savor the perfect mixture of salty peanut butter goodness, combined with sweet, fluffy marshmallow between toasted perfection.
.JPG)
The Fluffernutter is one of them.
Have you ever experienced the true simplistic joy that only a fluffernutter can bring?
When I was in high school, I used to make them for my youngest sister Sarah and I...we still talk about how amazing those sandwiches are.
And occasionally I succumb to the temptation. She posted on my facebook wall the other day: FLUFFERNUTTER!! The sheer mention of its name makes me crave one...and there I go, off to the grocery store to purchase the necessary items...
What's in a fluffernutter, you may ask? (Silly name, yes, I know...but OH SO GOOD).
For those of you who have never had the privilege of partaking of this divine concoction, I will divulge the secrets to making the PERFECT Fluffernutter.
First, you must have bread (no rolls or buns). Ideally, white bread is really the best, but I practically refuse to eat white bread if I can help it...(it really is like glue to your body)...so I use wheat.
You MUST TOAST your bread.
Next: Peanut Butter (Yes, one of the most-perfect-foods-in-the-whole-wide-world). You can see I use the reduced-fat version, to try to somewhat appease my healthy side. Feel free to go for the full-fat version though, if your little heart desires.
.JPG)
Spread your peanut butter, on your toast, as thick or thin as you like it. (Sometimes more really is better...okay, so maybe that sounds a little bit gluttonous). It's best if both pieces of bread have the peanut butter spread on them.
Then, comes the reason why the Fluffernutter is in a class of delectable snacking all of its own:
FLUFF. Yes, Marshmallow Fluff.
Spread the Fluff generously, on one side of the peanut butter covered toast.
.JPG)
Then, sandwich the two pieces of toast together. Cut in half and place on a pretty plate (Yes, things really do taste better on pretty plates).
Prepare yourself for a true culinary masterpiece.
Take a bite, close your eyes, and savor the perfect mixture of salty peanut butter goodness, combined with sweet, fluffy marshmallow between toasted perfection.
.JPG)
HEAVEN.
(Okay, so maybe a far cry from what Heaven is really like,
but I promise it's really, really, really yummy).
Saturday, August 4, 2012
The Baby, The Brother, The Wild One, and Me.
If you have siblings, most likely you already know how amazing it is to have them. I love mine and feel so blessed by their presence in my life. I am the oldest of four...I have two sisters, Danielle & Sarah, and one brother Paul. I love them more than words can ever say.
One of my favorite things about my siblings is knowing how genetically connected we are. There are no other people on the planet like the four of us. Because of our parents, we are made up of the same DNA....like no one else. There is a bond that connects us, like no other. I would walk through fire to help them out and there is a deep rooted unconditional love that we all share for each other.
A couple months ago, I got to go home (Atlanta) and see all of them...sadly enough, it's been around 4 years since the four of us have been together, and boy did we enjoy ourselves.
We laughed, and laughed and laughed (mostly at inside jokes about our parents ((that is said in total love and respect for mom and dad))...just so you know). We went to a Braves baseball game, went to the Georgia Aquarium, ate, talked and just enjoyed being together. It was the best of times.
I could go on for days and days and tell you about the fights we had (they are hilarious now!!), the laughter we've shared (we're a bunch of movie-quoting goofballs) or the tears we've cried (we all wear our hearts on our sleeve)...it's really endless.
There are so many stories I could share...
Okay, so just a few...
When Danielle and I were really little, I broke a vase and told my mom and dad that Danielle was the one who broke it...(she got the spankin, not me...this is a story that still provides a glare from her in my direction).
Or, how we all survived the horror of a huge earthquake in the Philippines, by all four of us sleeping every night together in one bed.
Or, how when we were kids I threw a rock through a window in the house that my dad was building (I was told over and over again to not throw rocks through the windows) and it hit Danielle square in the head and knocked her over....(yea, I got in trouble for that one...Spencer likes to hear me tell that story).
Or like when we were kids and my brother and I were fighting (I admit, I was totally provoking him) and he threw a hamburger at me during dinner...it stuck to the wall. We still laugh at that one!
We've been through a lot together...so many things happened to us when we were kids. I think about much of our time spent in the Philippines and the events in our lives that we have experienced together (both good and very bad). There is a common bond that we all have. It's true, blood is thicker than water.
While I miss them terribly, (I miss the ability to hug and kiss them whenever I feel like it), thanks to technology (facebook, texting) I talk to them almost every day. I am thankful for the closeness I feel with them!
The other day I was having a chat with my sister Sarah (she's the baby) and we were discussing the role she has among the four of us. She was somewhat complaining (I use that word delicately) about the fact that she was the baby, and although she is about to be 27 (August 13th!!), she still gets carded.
I wish I still got carded.
Anywho, I told her that no matter how much she tries to change things, she will ALWAYS BE THE BABY...just like I will always be the mature-sensible-protective-goody-little-two-shoes oldest (I remind them of the status that I hold all the time, well.... at least the part about being the oldest...maybe not the other OCD traits that come with the territory).
Danielle, who is next in order, after me, has always been the wild one. Not only is she beautiful, but she has always been the fun one. We used to be really competitive when we were kids, I suppose because of how close we are in age (14 months apart). She would always beat me during the Easter Egg hunt and collect more eggs than me. It would tick me off and she would just smile...
What I envy the most about Danielle is her ability to throw caution to the wind and LAUGH. While she doesn't always think about what the possible outcomes may be (you see, there is that over-protective-oldest-sister coming out)...she is very good at living in the moment.
I wish I could be more like her and not worry like I do. Danielle is also fiercely loyal and she would be the one to run after someone with a baseball bat to protect our family. No matter what we are doing, people always want Danielle around because she has always been the life of the party. I infinitely love her.
Next comes my brother, Paul (He'll always be Paulie to me). I love my brother, he's cool. We used to call him Captain Weirdo when he was a kid, because he would wear this play army helmet and a pair of yellow Mr. Potato Head glasses. I don't think he likes it that we all remember him that way. What I admire the most about my brother is that I think his heart is especially tender.
And, he has done amazing things in his life. He interviews musicians (real musicians, not the pop artists of our society today) and he's been able to meet alot of famous people in his lifetime.
Paul also tries to do good for this world, which is why I am really proud of him. A few years ago he WALKED (yes, really walked) from Florida to New Orleans to raise money for the people affected by Hurricane Katrina. Even today, I am amazed at his capacity to think out of the box that most of us rest comfortably in. I think of all that he has done, and I am genuinely proud of him as a person, and I'm even more proud that he is MY brother.
Finally, there is Sarah Lee Cupcake...the BABY (she will always be known as Cupcake to us). I think the three of us have been in love with her since her first breath in this world. We used to fight over who would get to sit by her at dinner...running down the hallway, whoever yelled "Sittin' by Sarah" was the winner. A place next to her was coveted more than anything in our lives.
Sarah is a true beauty (honestly, drop-dead gorgeous), both inside and out...what makes her even more pretty is that she doesn't realize how gorgeous she is. When I was in college after graduating high school, Sarah went everywhere with me. She was my little sidekick and I loved every minute I ever shared with her.
While Sarah is much more soft spoken than Danielle, Paul or I, she has a gentleness about her that I love. She is the quietness in our sometimes loud lives. What she doesn't realize is that while she is the youngest, many times she is the one who possesses the most wisdom out of all of us.
And shes' tough...Tough Mudder tough, in fact. She competed and FINISHED the Tough Mudder course in Atlanta last year. Through the mud, muck, fire and electrical wires (yup, they knocked her down...but she got back up)...she finished. She did something that I would never have the courage to do...and I admire her for that. She's one of my hero's.
In fact, all my siblings are my hero's.
What I was trying to express to Sarah, however, while she was complaining about being the baby, is that no matter what we do in life, there are always absolutes in our lives that we must accept. We shouldn't try to change things that are not changeable, but rather EMBRACE who we are. Sarah being the baby is part of who she is as a person...it's in her core being.
Just like myself...being the oldest. It's who I am.
Just like you...whatever you may be...the oldest, the youngest, the only girl, the only boy, the only child, the chubby one, the super-skinny one, the short one, the tall one, the blonde one, the brunette one. Whatever it is, OWN it...it's what helps to make YOU, YOU. (Pretty special, huh?)
God has a PERFECT plan for each one of us. He has mapped out our lives for us and all we have to do is follow Him. That's it. I think many times we try to over complicate what it takes to be happy in life. In reality, its all there right in front of us.
Sure, there are many times in life that I get frustrated with myself...I wish I was taller, or thinner, or not so sensitive or "sensible". Sure, I may be the party-pooper at times, but when the tough gets going, I'll be the one right by your side.
But, you know what?
No matter how hard I try to change those things about myself that I wish were different, the reality is that I am at my happiest when I am true to who God wants me to be. We don't need to change or try to morph ourselves into what others "think" we should be. All we need to do is please our Heavenly Father.
And, doesn't it feel good when we are accepted, just as we are?
Soooo....if you find yourself wishing yourself to be someone else, or something different than who you are, remember:
The grass is the greenest where you water it.
EMBRACE your own life...stop fretting over things that you cannot change.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" ~Jeremiah 29:11
One of my favorite things about my siblings is knowing how genetically connected we are. There are no other people on the planet like the four of us. Because of our parents, we are made up of the same DNA....like no one else. There is a bond that connects us, like no other. I would walk through fire to help them out and there is a deep rooted unconditional love that we all share for each other.
A couple months ago, I got to go home (Atlanta) and see all of them...sadly enough, it's been around 4 years since the four of us have been together, and boy did we enjoy ourselves.
We laughed, and laughed and laughed (mostly at inside jokes about our parents ((that is said in total love and respect for mom and dad))...just so you know). We went to a Braves baseball game, went to the Georgia Aquarium, ate, talked and just enjoyed being together. It was the best of times.
I could go on for days and days and tell you about the fights we had (they are hilarious now!!), the laughter we've shared (we're a bunch of movie-quoting goofballs) or the tears we've cried (we all wear our hearts on our sleeve)...it's really endless.
There are so many stories I could share...
Okay, so just a few...
When Danielle and I were really little, I broke a vase and told my mom and dad that Danielle was the one who broke it...(she got the spankin, not me...this is a story that still provides a glare from her in my direction).
Or, how we all survived the horror of a huge earthquake in the Philippines, by all four of us sleeping every night together in one bed.
Or, how when we were kids I threw a rock through a window in the house that my dad was building (I was told over and over again to not throw rocks through the windows) and it hit Danielle square in the head and knocked her over....(yea, I got in trouble for that one...Spencer likes to hear me tell that story).
Or like when we were kids and my brother and I were fighting (I admit, I was totally provoking him) and he threw a hamburger at me during dinner...it stuck to the wall. We still laugh at that one!
(This picture cracks me up...I know we looked like that bottom picture a time or two)
Ahh...the memories.
We've been through a lot together...so many things happened to us when we were kids. I think about much of our time spent in the Philippines and the events in our lives that we have experienced together (both good and very bad). There is a common bond that we all have. It's true, blood is thicker than water.
While I miss them terribly, (I miss the ability to hug and kiss them whenever I feel like it), thanks to technology (facebook, texting) I talk to them almost every day. I am thankful for the closeness I feel with them!
The other day I was having a chat with my sister Sarah (she's the baby) and we were discussing the role she has among the four of us. She was somewhat complaining (I use that word delicately) about the fact that she was the baby, and although she is about to be 27 (August 13th!!), she still gets carded.
I wish I still got carded.
Anywho, I told her that no matter how much she tries to change things, she will ALWAYS BE THE BABY...just like I will always be the mature-sensible-protective-goody-little-two-shoes oldest (I remind them of the status that I hold all the time, well.... at least the part about being the oldest...maybe not the other OCD traits that come with the territory).
Danielle, who is next in order, after me, has always been the wild one. Not only is she beautiful, but she has always been the fun one. We used to be really competitive when we were kids, I suppose because of how close we are in age (14 months apart). She would always beat me during the Easter Egg hunt and collect more eggs than me. It would tick me off and she would just smile...
What I envy the most about Danielle is her ability to throw caution to the wind and LAUGH. While she doesn't always think about what the possible outcomes may be (you see, there is that over-protective-oldest-sister coming out)...she is very good at living in the moment.
I wish I could be more like her and not worry like I do. Danielle is also fiercely loyal and she would be the one to run after someone with a baseball bat to protect our family. No matter what we are doing, people always want Danielle around because she has always been the life of the party. I infinitely love her.
Next comes my brother, Paul (He'll always be Paulie to me). I love my brother, he's cool. We used to call him Captain Weirdo when he was a kid, because he would wear this play army helmet and a pair of yellow Mr. Potato Head glasses. I don't think he likes it that we all remember him that way. What I admire the most about my brother is that I think his heart is especially tender.
And, he has done amazing things in his life. He interviews musicians (real musicians, not the pop artists of our society today) and he's been able to meet alot of famous people in his lifetime.
Paul also tries to do good for this world, which is why I am really proud of him. A few years ago he WALKED (yes, really walked) from Florida to New Orleans to raise money for the people affected by Hurricane Katrina. Even today, I am amazed at his capacity to think out of the box that most of us rest comfortably in. I think of all that he has done, and I am genuinely proud of him as a person, and I'm even more proud that he is MY brother.
Finally, there is Sarah Lee Cupcake...the BABY (she will always be known as Cupcake to us). I think the three of us have been in love with her since her first breath in this world. We used to fight over who would get to sit by her at dinner...running down the hallway, whoever yelled "Sittin' by Sarah" was the winner. A place next to her was coveted more than anything in our lives.
Sarah is a true beauty (honestly, drop-dead gorgeous), both inside and out...what makes her even more pretty is that she doesn't realize how gorgeous she is. When I was in college after graduating high school, Sarah went everywhere with me. She was my little sidekick and I loved every minute I ever shared with her.
While Sarah is much more soft spoken than Danielle, Paul or I, she has a gentleness about her that I love. She is the quietness in our sometimes loud lives. What she doesn't realize is that while she is the youngest, many times she is the one who possesses the most wisdom out of all of us.
And shes' tough...Tough Mudder tough, in fact. She competed and FINISHED the Tough Mudder course in Atlanta last year. Through the mud, muck, fire and electrical wires (yup, they knocked her down...but she got back up)...she finished. She did something that I would never have the courage to do...and I admire her for that. She's one of my hero's.
In fact, all my siblings are my hero's.
What I was trying to express to Sarah, however, while she was complaining about being the baby, is that no matter what we do in life, there are always absolutes in our lives that we must accept. We shouldn't try to change things that are not changeable, but rather EMBRACE who we are. Sarah being the baby is part of who she is as a person...it's in her core being.
Just like myself...being the oldest. It's who I am.
Just like you...whatever you may be...the oldest, the youngest, the only girl, the only boy, the only child, the chubby one, the super-skinny one, the short one, the tall one, the blonde one, the brunette one. Whatever it is, OWN it...it's what helps to make YOU, YOU. (Pretty special, huh?)
God has a PERFECT plan for each one of us. He has mapped out our lives for us and all we have to do is follow Him. That's it. I think many times we try to over complicate what it takes to be happy in life. In reality, its all there right in front of us.
Sure, there are many times in life that I get frustrated with myself...I wish I was taller, or thinner, or not so sensitive or "sensible". Sure, I may be the party-pooper at times, but when the tough gets going, I'll be the one right by your side.
But, you know what?
No matter how hard I try to change those things about myself that I wish were different, the reality is that I am at my happiest when I am true to who God wants me to be. We don't need to change or try to morph ourselves into what others "think" we should be. All we need to do is please our Heavenly Father.
And, doesn't it feel good when we are accepted, just as we are?
Soooo....if you find yourself wishing yourself to be someone else, or something different than who you are, remember:
The grass is the greenest where you water it.
EMBRACE your own life...stop fretting over things that you cannot change.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" ~Jeremiah 29:11
The Baby, The Brother, The Oldest and The Wild One.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Me 'n' Grumpy Bear
It just seems that nothing has gone right this week.
It's been hot, which seems to make everyone grumpy and miserable. There's been no rain, which makes Mark (the handsome, husband-farmer-of-mine) extra grumpy. Even I get a little grumpy when I think about what the outcome of a drought could mean for our community.
I've struggled with my Statistics class this week (I can't even say the word...if I've made it this long in life without knowing about Statistics, why do I have to learn now??!!).
Because it's been so hot, we've been so tired...and because we've been so tired, we haven't gotten up to work out at the gym...so I feel extra fat right now.
It's been slow in the store, and to top it all off, I haven't felt good. In fact, I've felt down right yucky. With the extra dry conditions and lack of rain, it seems that my allergies have gone into overdrive.
Wah, Wah, WAH!! I literally say it to myself as I write this sad, soapy monologue...
I can hear my dad (or rather see him) rubbing his thumb and forefinger together...telling me this is the worlds smallest violin, playing my heart weeps for you...
Oh, dads sometimes!!
Have you ever felt like this? Like no matter how hard you try to see that the glass is half full, all you see is an empty glass?
Last night, as I was thinking about my week (okay, I was moping) I was perusing through my iTunes library and ran across a fave of mine...and man is it a good one.
Steven Curtis Chapman...Be Still and Know.
Oh man, those words are like honey to my broken soul...in all the chaos of our lives, in all that we do...all we have to do is BE STILL and know that He is GOD. That's it. We don't need to get all upset over nothing, because HE is in control of EVERYTHING. Even when we don't think about how God is working on our behalf, HE IS. He is our father and we can always rest our hearts on Him.
I am reminded to stand in awe of Him, because He will never change. EVER.
My favorite line in the song:
"be still o restless heart of mine...bow before the Prince of Peace...let the noise and clamor cease..."
Let those words sink in: be still...let the noise and clamor cease...that's all my "wah, wah, wah" moments I just moped about. The best cure for all that chaos? A few moments with the Lord. All we have to do is BREATHE him into our souls...let His love and mercy fill us up when we are deflated. He is really all that I need. When I think about it like this, all the noise and clamor does cease.
Thanks to one of my good friends, I've started doing yoga. While I admit that it's incredibly much harder to do than it appears to be (I fall over almost every time I do it), there is something I absolutely love about it. It's actually at the very end of my Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga Video that is my favorite. Bob tells us to lay on the floor, palms up, and let ourselves "drop onto the floor". We take deep breaths and push all negativity from our minds...so, I tune everything out of my mind, lay there with my palms facing up and I can feel my body relaxing. (It's a good thing that Mark has never walked in on me during this part of the video, because I'm sure I would get teased)
This is why this part is my favorite:
I would imagine that this is what it's like to "be still" in front of the Lord. Just sit with Him. Let the absolute presence of the Lord be enough to calm us. Be still. Not be still and pay some bills, or watch some tv, or do some homework...but BE STILL. Not move, just breathe in the amazingly beautiful glow of our Savior.
I can tell you, after I listened to the words of the song a few times last night, my little heart drifted off to a very content sleep...
Today, my attitude was better.
And, it rained (Praise Jesus!!).
I hope the next time you have a Grumpy Bear moment, try to remember to BE STILL...Be Speechless before the Lord.
Here is the song....
"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes"
~Psalms 37:10
Monday, July 23, 2012
My Olympic Training
There are very few sporting events that really get me excited and pumped up (two, to be exact). THE OLYMPICS and the NCAA March Madness Tournament. The anticipation of the Olympics (both Summer & Winter) get my pulse racing, my heart beating quicker and my adrenaline rushing. I LOVE THE OLYMPICS. They are awesome! I will actually stand in front of my t.v. and yell and cheer the athletes on...it's SO EXCITING!!
There are many aspects to the Olympics that I find interesting. I love that despite the differences we all have, the pride in our country is what unifies us. I admit whenever I hear the National Anthem and see our gorgeous flag hoisted over the podium, it gets me every time. I have to fight back tears as I become so incredibly proud of the athletes that represent us and even greater pride in the country in which we live.
The athletes are another reason I love to watch the Olympics. You know they compete because they want to...because it drives them...they have an inward push that makes them covet the gold like no other. Talk about determination. Can you imagine literally the blood, sweat and tears that go into training for the Olympics? I think part of the reason that I admire them so much is that secretly I envy them. I wish I could be that good at something...but then I have to remind myself that they are called to do that. The reason they are so good at it is that they answered their calling. They are doing what they are meant to be doing.
We are all called to do something...and we are called to endure, through the pain, the fatigue, and sometimes the agony that this life can bring us through. Not everything in life is easy, but if it were then it wouldn't mean as much to us in the end.
With that being said, I have a confession to make:
I AM TIRED. Exhausted. Some of you may not know that I am currently finishing my bachelors degree...18 years later than I should of finished. I'm about to be 36 years old, and I am a full time college student. Why, you may ask? (Sometimes I ask myself this question too)...
Because I gave up on myself many years ago, and I quit school before I earned my bachelors degree. I can still hear the grief in my mom's voice when I told her I was quitting. With a burden that has followed me most of my adult life (that nagging voice in the back of my head, telling me I gave up on college), I decided to quit talking about what I was going to do in my life, and actually do it. You ever have one of those moments?
Like, I'm gonna paint the living room one day...and then two years go by and you realize you've never gotten around to it?
Or, I'm gonna go on that trip...and your bags stay stuffed in your closet, because the tickets never got reserved?
It happens to all of us. Time, money, life, kids...they are all good reasons for not getting around to something...
But for me, it was time to step up to the starting line, wait for the gun to sound and begin my race.
So, I did. I enrolled in school, picked my major (BA in Business Administration with a concentration in Marketing). Many of my classes have been a joy, while others (ACCOUNTING STINKS) have been nothing short of a challenge. I failed both my accounting classes and had to re-take them. Tears of frustration and aggravation poured down my face many times during those classes...but I kept going. I knew that I had to pass those classes to earn my degree.
Some people have even asked me what I'm gonna get out of having my degree. It will not earn me a promotion, it will not get me a better salary. What I can say though, is that it has already given me satisfaction. Satisfaction of knowing that I am working towards a goal of mine. Satisfaction in that I am not just saying I'm doing something: I'm really DOING it.
Some people have even asked me what I'm gonna get out of having my degree. It will not earn me a promotion, it will not get me a better salary. What I can say though, is that it has already given me satisfaction. Satisfaction of knowing that I am working towards a goal of mine. Satisfaction in that I am not just saying I'm doing something: I'm really DOING it.
And, the truth is: college has helped me. Many of the classes I have taken have given me knowledge that I have been able to apply to my every day life. It has made me a better business person, a better writer, even a better thinker. I feel that it has helped shape me into a more well-rounded person.
In fact, I don't think that I would of had the same experience then, as I have now. One benefit of aging is maturing :)
I started school in early Spring of 2009, and have now completed 108 hours...I have to get to 120...12 hours away. Why does it seem more like 120 hours, and not just 12? I am this close, I can SEE the finish line...and yet as I get closer to the end, I am realizing how absolutely EXHAUSTED I am. But as I have realized over the last week, while pondering my situation, its not at the beginning of the race that counts as much as the end. It may have taken me a LONG TIME to get to where I am...but the point is, I HAVEN'T GIVEN UP.
Up until Friday I thought I was only going to have to complete 3 more classes, because my academic advisor thought I could get one more old college class to transfer...but I officially got word on Friday that it was not going to work out that way. I have four more months to go, instead of 3. I had a moment of self-pity and sat in silence for a few minutes of frustration. But then I got up, wiped away the frustration and got back into it.
My main source of discouragement was realizing that I will have to wait until May 2013 to walk across the stage and wear the most coveted hat of my existence: my mortar board and tassel. Technically I will be finished in December, but I will just miss the cut off by 2 weeks to participate in commencement, so I will have to wait to graduate until then.
Moving on...
My main source of discouragement was realizing that I will have to wait until May 2013 to walk across the stage and wear the most coveted hat of my existence: my mortar board and tassel. Technically I will be finished in December, but I will just miss the cut off by 2 weeks to participate in commencement, so I will have to wait to graduate until then.
Moving on...
My main goal in sharing this with you all is to encourage you to keep it up. Whatever it is in your life that is weighing on you, or perhaps its something that has nagged you for years. Maybe its in fact to go back to school...maybe its to amend a broken relationship...maybe its to look for a new job. Maybe its painting your living room!! Whatever it may be, just do it. Just try...and if at first you don't succeed, then try, TRY AGAIN. When you feel exhausted, and you don't think there is another ounce of energy or gumption left in you, PRAY. The Lord wants us to cast all our cares upon Him. Let Him be the one to carry you the last leg of the race...that's what He WANTS to do.
Think about those Olympic athletes, how tired and exhausted they are, the last leg of their race....
I know you can do it.
" I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race,
I have KEPT the FAITH." ~ 2 Timothy 4:7
 | ||
| My Siblings and I in front of the Olympic Stadium at the 1996 Atlanta Summer Games |
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Sometimes You Wanna Go, Where Everybody Knows Your Name...(and they're always glad you came)
For whatever reason, the lyrics to the theme song from the T.V. show Cheers always resounds in my head when I think about my shop. It makes me think about what it is that we all really want out of life. Don't we all just want to know that we are loved and wanted by at least one person? I know I do. If you were to ask me what it is that I want for Total Addiction, and you, my customers and friends, it is that each and everyone of you know what your worth is. I pray continually, that when you walk through my doors, you will know that not only do I care about you as a person, but that the Lord loves you. I pray you feel that love when you come to Total Addiction.
As I think about my personal life, I realize how many friends I have been blessed with through the years of my life. All of them contribute to my life in different ways, and I love them all. Today, however, I am sad because one of my bestest friends, Jen, is about to move to Montana. While I completely understand (and support) her reasons for moving, I selfishly wish that I could keep her here. Her and I became friends many years ago and as I look back on our relationship, I chuckle to myself, reliving so many of our great memories.
Years ago I experienced a lot of personal heartache and while many turned their backs on me, Jen did not and stood by me when I was at the lowest point of my life. When it seemed like there was no light in the darkness of my heart, there was Jen. She always had a smile, a hug, and a baseball bat ready to tear up anyone who kept hurting me ( I say this with a big grin). When I broke my ankle running, she was the one who came and scooped me up to take me to the doctor (She was also the one who kept scolding me when I didn't want to use my dumb crutches). When I was sick, she was there armed with a bowl of soup and a bottle of 7-up. She loved my kids and helped me out whenever she could. While she has never admitted to it, I think she is the one who initiated a secret Santa plot to shower my kiddos with love our first Christmas alone.
Through the years our friendship has changed, grown and become deeper. So many things that I enjoy in my life now is directly because of my friendship with Jen. She is the one who taught me how to appreciate a good glass of wine, introduced me to couscous and Edward Cullen. She is also the one that I think about when I see someone else who is hurting, and I want them to know that they are not alone. At Christmas time, I think about women who may have experienced similar circumstances to me, and because of Jen's secret Santa plot, I know that there is something that I can do to help them feel better. Jen and I have laughed together until we were crying, and cried together until we were laughing. She is someone who is better than a friend, she is one of my soul sisters. As I bid her farewell, I know that no matter what comes our way in life, no matter where we may live, we will always be there for each other. When we see each other next time, we will pick back up right where we left off, because that's how it is between her and I. Shes my forever friend, and I wish her nothing but love and happiness as she is about to start a new chapter.
"May the Lord keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other."
~Genesis 31:49
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