Anywho, I do hope that your Christmas season and New Year's holidays were blessed and full of love and hope. To me, that's really what the holiday season is about...
Love & Hope.
or...
Hope & Love.
Its really what we all need on a regular basis, isn't it?
For me, over the last six months, I needed hope...and lots of it.
The past year was a difficult one for me. It felt like there was a little black cloud that followed me all over the place. No matter how hard I tried to be optimistic or happy, I felt like God just kept stretching me in ways that were really painful. Through my personal life, as well as the life of the store, I felt like I was continually walking in the dark and on eggshells. Even my sleep seemed disturbed.
Worry is like a thief...
With the state of the economy and the negativity saturating the media, I felt like that little black cloud hovered over Christmas too. My joy was not as bountiful this year and I felt discouraged, desperate and even angry.
As hard as I tried to ignore the news, it was impossible to not worry about the approaching Fiscal Cliff that our lawmakers kept warning we were about to go over...
Or to hear the disgusting news of sweet little kids being brutally and horrifically murdered, just because.
In my eyes, the evil that is roaming this earth is very apparent. But, I shouldn't be too surprised.
The Bible tells us that Satan and his demons are free to roam the earth, until Christ comes back. Until then, this kind of havoc and hate will continue.
Sigh...
Throughout the months of October, November and December, I hit my knees to the ground in prayer many times. I even had special friends pray with me, desperately hoping for clear answers from the Lord. I craved relief. I clung to the verse that tells us that when "two or more are gathered in My name, there I will be also". Through the trials and tribulations of this last year, I have needed to feel the closeness that only my heavenly Father can bring. I just wanted to hear Him say that everything would be okay.
I needed HOPE that it was all gonna work out.
There were days that I felt the relief, but honestly, there were days that I didn't understand and the clouds seemed to storm in.
Like I said, worry is like a thief. I let my own despair get in the way of what I know God wants me to do.
Over the last couple of weeks the shadows have started to diminish. I have come to this understanding: sometimes the Lord gives us just what we NEED, rather than what we WANT or what we THINK we need. I have come to understand that what HE WANTS is for us to literally check with Him every step of the way.
And this is exactly why the Apostle Peter was able to walk on water...he kept his eyes boldly on Jesus. Being the Creator of everything, the Lord defied logic and nature, giving Peter the ability to walk on water. The minute he looked down is when he started sinking. Sometimes the task that God sets before us seem larger than life. At times we wonder, how in the world can they even be accomplished? The beauty of Peter's story is that it wasn't his own ability to walk on water. Its was Jesus, and only Jesus, who gave Peter the ability to walk on water.
If Jesus could help Peter walk on water, surely He will give me the ability and tools I need to do the job that He has set before me, right?
This weekend, the Lord supplied everything that I NEED to do the job that He has set out for me.
And that is what gives me HOPE.
I think when the answer I had been seeking suddenly became clear, I literally breathed out a sigh of relief...and felt my knuckles relax. (If it's possible to be white knuckled with worry, without physically holding onto something, I believe I've experienced it over the last few months).
As I look back over 2012 I am reminded of many blessings and trials that the Lord brought me through. However, just like an artist places glass in a fire to refine it, the past should never define us...only REFINE us.
I am reminded of the somewhat cliche poem "Footprints in the Sand". We've all heard it a million times, or seen it on convenience store plaques. But, as I look at the past year and look to how He provided for me and helped me understand things better this past weekend, I can see Him carrying me the whole way.
I am so thankful for His love and the HOPE that is in Him.
Where would I be without it? Probably in a permanent state of grumpiness and despair...
Blessings to you, on this January day! May you have HOPE for an amazing year...remember, despite the world we live in...HE is in control.
Another one of
my favorite songs, sung by Steven Curtis Chapman,
"Sometimes He Comes
in the Clouds"...
powerful lyrics that spoke to me continually over the last few months.
I hope they minister to you, as they did me.
"For where two or three gather in my name,
there am I with them.” ~Matthew 18:20
"For where two or three gather in my name,
there am I with them.” ~Matthew 18:20
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