What's the Point??

Do you ever stop in the middle of your crazy life, and think to yourself:

Who am I?

What's my purpose here in this world?  (We all have one...)

What am I supposed to be doing while I'm on this planet??  (I hope not just existing!)

This is something that I think about all the time...

And, I don't think I'm alone.

I mean, if there is no purpose...then what's the point??

Sure, I have a totally fab women's boutique...

But, it's my job.

It's my trade...its what I do to hopefully earn a living, to pay for the necessities in life and take care of my family.

But it's not my purpose.

It's not what God put me on this planet for.

Owning the shop is part of His plan and it helps me execute my purpose in life, but its not my destiny. I don't want to be remembered for selling shoes...

As I look back over the years, it is evident to me how He has allowed me to go through certain life experiences, in order to help me have greater compassion and understanding of what's going on in the lives of people that I meet in life now.

I think at times, we over think this concept...perhaps you may feel that only people like Ghandi, or Martin Luther King, Jr. are people that have great purposes...or that God looks down in higher favor with people who are in the spotlight doing "great" things for mankind.

But, its just not true.

It's we as humans who make others actions out to be "grand"...not God.  He looks in favor to ANYONE who is faithful to answer HIS call on their lives.

God does not play favorites...

We are not all called to do the same thing...but we are ALL called to do something.

Or be someone...

In the 36 years I've been in this world, I have had my heart broken to the point that it felt like it was bleeding, suffering and full of sorrow.

I have experienced my parents divorce.  I have experienced my own divorce.  I have experienced deep depression.  I have experienced post-partum depression.  I have been betrayed.  I have betrayed others.  I have been hurt by words.  I have hurt others with my own words.  I have been emotionally abused by a husband who did not love me.  I was told I was nothing, over and over again.  I have lost loved ones.  I have had to watch people I love suffer.  I have had to deal with separation from my children.  I have made bad choices in my life.  I have been angry, lost, sad and left in despair.

It's been a heck of a ride...

There were days that I didn't want to even wake up.  I would pray that God would just let me go to sleep and not wake up, ever again.

But, if that were to happen, I wouldn't be fulfilling my God-given purpose, would I? 

Because I have written about this before in my blogs, as you know, I went through a very dark time in my life.  I don't refer to it as a dark period, necessarily because of the events that transpired, but because I was not living for the Lord.  I turned my back on the Lord, in anger, hurt and frustration.  I felt that He abandoned me and was not watching over me...He let some really bad things happen in my life, things that I didn't understand.

It was several years later that I realized that it was not He who turned His back on me, but rather mine on Him.

I will always remember the feeling of when I turned back to the warmth of His embrace.  The fullness, contentment and peace that I felt when I turned back to His light....

The grace and forgiveness...
Oh, words will never describe it.

I still can't...

I think all that I have experienced, the good and the bad, has lead up to this point in my life.  It has all been working together, since I was a child, all weaving together to help me realize the purpose that God has given me.  Going through all that darkness helped me realize how desolate my life was and that I never want to feel like that again.  NEVER.

Ever.

My mom visited me a few weeks ago.  At one point, Jae, my daughter, was telling Grammy about a Spirit Award that she had received at school.  Jae was recognized because she got up from her table of friends during Intervention to go sit with a classmate of hers that was sitting alone.  Jae recognized that she could help make this little girl feel accepted and loved, by sitting with her.  As Jae was explaining to her Grammy what she did, my mom looked at me and told Jae that she knew another young girl that used to do the same thing when she was Jae's age: me.

Grammy went on to tell Jae that she was just like her mama in that regard, always trying to make sure others around her feel loved...that people don't feel left out.  That people understand how valuable they are and needed.

I think one of the worst things that could be said of my life is that someone in my life didn't understand their worth in my eyes.  I would hate it if you didn't realize how important you were to me, or to the Lord!

The conversation that Jae and my mom had has been stuck in my head for the last two weeks.

In my reflection, I have realized that my purpose is very simple...and it's something I've been doing for as long as I can remember.

My purpose in this world is to LOVE.  It is to show love to others, so that they feel the love of Christ and know that they are worth something.  Hopefully in this, they will come to the Lord too....or find Him in times of struggle.

My oldest daughter, Brooke and I were talking about this very subject, this morning.  I told her, for as long as I live, I will proclaim my love for the Lord.  I cannot express my gratitude in enough ways, to show Him how grateful I am for His mercy, love, understanding and GRACE.

Just remember that YOU have a purpose too.  God has a plan for you...you will only find peace when you are resting in what He wants you to be doing.
If you want to find meaning in life or feel grounded, He is the only way you will ever feel that way.

No matter where you have been, or what has happened in your life...God will use it, somehow for His glory...if you let Him.

For all things work together for HIS GOOD.  God wants the glory, in all that we do...even in times of trial, suffering and pain.  He can use our hearts, no matter the state they are in, for His purpose and plan.

My life is living proof.  I will sing of His praises, all of my day!

There is a relatively new song out, that has quickly become my new favorite...the group Philips, Craig and Dean are one of my favorites, and the lyrics of so many of their songs have always struck a cord with me.  Their latest, "Top of My Lungs", really speaks to my heart...

Here is the song...I imagine myself on top of a mountain, belting this song out (I am a much better singer in my head, than reality).

Love you all.