Proceed with Caution!

Lately, I feel like exploding.

I hate the feeling!

More than anything, I hate how I feel, leading up to those explosions.  You know what I mean?  When you've lost your temper and you can honest-to-goodness feel the heat crawling up the back of your neck?  You can't bite your tongue for one more minute and then the explosion comes...

Words, frustration and anger seem to spew out of your mouth.

I think I hate what comes next, even more though: the guilty feeling that inevitably sets in. It comes because you know you should have tried harder to keep your feelings in check, but also because we know the explosion is not a true indicator of who we really are.  Our emotions have gotten the best of us (again).

In the last few weeks, I've felt like I should have a warning label stamped on my head:  PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

It's STRESS!  I used to think that I handled stress fairly well...until I had kids.  I don't know what it was about giving birth that made my patience switch flip off so quickly. 

Anyway, as issues and problems in my life seem to pile up in huge mounds, it feels like I am handling things worse and worse.  I feel like I have all these problems (life) coming at me, from every direction and I try to remain calm.  However, the harder I try to keep my emotions in tact, the worse it seems to get.

From all the different "situations" that I'm experiencing right now, for whatever reason it has put me on this terribly huge emotional roller coaster.  I get frustrated, angry, hurt, tired, worn out, emotionally drained and then I end up back to being angry again.

NOT GOOD.

I WANT OFF THIS COASTER!

My bestest friend in the whole wide world, Danielle, is an amazing source of wisdom and inspiration for me.  God put her in my life, all the way back in 1992 and we have been the best of friends ever since.  Although we don't live anywhere near each other, lately we've been chatting almost every day.  We experienced our teenage years together, church youth group, crushes, concerts, midnight runs to the Waffle House...we were even college roommates!  We are about as polar opposites as they come...but I infinitely love her.  We used to say that we wanted to marry male versions of each other.  My Mark is definitely a lot like Danielle and I enjoy hearing the OCD tendencies of her husband Ken.  Nothing makes me smile more than hearing how he likes to pack a car...and it drives her crazy!

When we were in high school, she used to watch me make my bed in my room, because I never went a day without making it (I still have this OCD trait).  After the bed was made, she would go over and sit on it and mess it up.  THEN, she would tackle me and keep me pinned down and FORCE me to NOT make my bed again.  She would laugh and I would squirm.

Ahh, the great memories of our friendship...

Anywho, moving on...one of the things that I love the most about Danielle is her ability to keep things REAL.  I mean, she is as real as it gets.  She doesn't worry about hurting my feelings when my thinking is wrong...she doesn't sugar coat things for me.  She is just honest..but it is always in love (Brutal honesty is easier to swallow when you know the other person really loves you).  There is no need for me to hold my feelings back, because she already knows whats going on in my head.  Shes the best kind of friend (and sister)!

Lately, we've been talking a lot about emotions and blowing up.  Although it's the best thing in the whole wide world (truly it is), being a mom causes a lot of stress!  To make matters worse, women in general are very emotional, which only increases the stress levels we all experience.  I know I tend to absorb the emotions and feelings that are surrounding me (I know this is a problem, one I am working on)...so, if my family is happy, I usually have an easier time dealing with "things"...when everyone is grumpy...I'm grumpy...AND STRESSED! 

Danielle told me about a book that I would HIGHLY recommend to you, to read.  It's called Unglued and its written by Lysa TerKeurst.  The book, as it may, deals SPECIFICALLY with what I am struggling with, precisely right now in my life.  How crazy is that??

As I'm reading it, I find myself completely identifying with the author.  She really gets it!  She yelled at her kids about the towels on the floor!  She gets upset and discouraged when others hurt her.  She doesn't quite know how to manage her emotions sometimes either!   

What a comfort it is, to know that I'm not the only woman on this crazy roller coaster ride of emotions, that there are other women that struggle with this (that want off the ride too...but just don't quite know how to get off!).  I think that many times, we as Christians have the pressure of how we handle situations, because we are commanded in the Bible to "turn the other cheek"..."forgive"..."be slow to anger"...I get it, I really do...Jesus wants us to forgive.  I can do that...but how do you handle all the stress, feelings and wretched raw (and very real) emotions that many of us experience?  We can't just blink them away...I know I can't (I've tried...over and over!!).  

What I have learned so far from her book is that part of the reason we struggle so much, as women, is that we place far too much pressure on our own selves.  Its all about putting realistic expectations on ourselves and taking realistic steps in trying to improve ourselves.  It's about understanding that we are not always going to have it together...

The kids WILL leave towels on the floor.  (and it's gonna tick me off)

The Internet WILL go down sometimes.  (and it will be a pain!)

My husband WILL leave his dirty jeans on the kitchen table sometimes.  (how many times??)

The house WILL NOT always be picture-perfect and clean.  (I need a maid...or an extra 5 hours in each day)

People WILL say things that hurt.  (we're human)

It's going to happen.  I might as well face it...

The key is having a game-plan ready for whatever comes our way.

So, that's where I am right now...working on my game plan.  Trying to come up with ways, to prevent the explosion.  Trying to focus on all the amazingly good things in my life, rather than dwell and brood on the negative.

Negative feelings breed more negative feelings.  Anger feeds anger.

How do you get out of that cycle...or off the roller coaster?

I had a friend of mine come in the shop the other day and long-story-short, we started chatting.  The conversation lead to the topic of the book that I have just started reading.  She told me that her daughter-in-law had requested the book for a birthday present, because she was struggling with the same issues.  A full time working mom, with young kids, a house, a husband...you name it...the recipe for a mom cooking under pressure.  As we were chatting, I shared with her some of my frustrations and the angry, hurt emotions that I can't seem to let go of....I'm trying...and yet they keep surfacing! 

She opened up with me and told me about a similar situation that happened to her, many years ago.  Words were said to her that cut her to the soul.  Words that were meant to hurt and destroy...how do you forget them?  How can a person heal if they hear those words over and over again in their head?   It's like ripping a band-aid off, every 5 minutes!...it's never gonna heal!  She told me it was a long time before she was able to put it behind her, but there was a key to her success:

( I love what she told me)

She CHANGED her prayer.

That was it.  Instead of praying to be able to move past the situation and forgive the person...she asked God to help her FORGET the words.  That was it.  (it's so simple!) Every time those words would creep into her head, she would simply ask God to let her FORGET the words.

What she shared with me was BRILLIANT.  My God can help me FORGET the words, so that in time, I can really forgive.  If we don't know what we're upset about, its not so hard to forgive, is it?

I'm so thankful that I have wise, Godly women in my life.

So, as I prepare my game plan for the upcoming situations that WILL come my way in life, I am convinced that by changing my prayer, it will help me deal with the situations not yet foreseen in my future.

There is one other thing that I am working on...(and I invite any of you, who wish to join in my project with me)

Danielle and I are working on a memory verse challenge.  Each week we work on memorizing a Scripture verse...and this is why: 
If you BREATHE in the word of God...you will EXHALE the word of God.

I have asked the Lord to show me areas of growth in my life...obviously my patience and self-control is one area that He wants me to work on.  I am committed to what the Lord wants to do with me...and these lessons are hard for me to learn...but I know that God is in control of it all. (Even when it feels like there is a downpour in my life).

P.S.  Just so you know...if you ask God to stretch you...He WILL!  Be ready for it! :)

Danielle and I, sharing a dance at my wedding, last year

" I, therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."  ~Ephesians 4:1-3