Day 6...30 Things.

Hello everyone!! I hope you all had a great weekend...full of fabulous fun!!

 Ready for Day 6??

I am!

Here goes...

Item #6:

What is the hardest thing you've ever had to experience?

I've been thinking about this all morning...I keep coming up with hard things I've had to go through.  Of course when you're in the middle of a struggle, all problems seem to be difficult. 

When I moved to Kansas, being away from my mom, dad, brother, sisters and best friends was awful.  Sometimes the ache in my heart was so bad I couldn't stand it. 

Or I think about the trauma that my family and I experienced in the Philippines...between the numerous coup attempts that the rebels tried to overthrow the government...or when there was a huge earthquake in the Philippines and the aftershocks lasted for weeks. 

All really bad stuff.

But, even when I thought things were nothing but doom and gloom...the light did eventually shine.

After much thought, I came up with what I think was the most difficult thing I've ever experienced.  The reason I say it was the worst, was because it seemed to be attacking many different aspects of my life.

I don't like to talk about it much, because that pain is still there...I suppose it always will be.

My divorce. 

It ripped my family apart, as well as my heart.  It was awful...the darkest days of my life.  There really were days that I didn't think it ever would get better.

I've said this a thousand times, even if you're the one who wants the divorce, it still sucks.  Every single, solitary minute of it.

I hated seeing the pain that my kids were in.

I hated the way people looked at me, as if they knew what was going on in my life.  People had no clue and yet the judgement was passed.

The gossip.  Every day...

Even seeing my family hurting...everyone went through pain.

Some of the worst days were when I was alone...I hated having to share my time that was spent with the kids.  I had spent almost every minute of my time with them, when I wasn't at work.  Every bath they took was given my me.  Every meal they ate was prepared by me.  I was the one who washed all their clothes, tucked them in at night, read them their bedtime stories, prayed with them, took them to the park, played games with them.  It was all me and then all of a sudden I had all this time alone.  It was such a sad time in my life, my heart was so empty it almost seemed to echo.

My mom always said that Divorce is the gift that keeps on giving...she is right.  Every holiday or major life event...summers...winter breaks...special times that I have to be apart from my kids...its' like a knife in the heart.

Not to sound pessimistic, but I don't know that it will ever get better.  Sure, with time it gets easier...and the pain dulls a bit...but it's still there.

I thank God for His grace and mercy that help me through those times.  And my family now...and when I pick them up, when they have been away from me...their huge smiles and giant bear hugs are what warms my soul.  

There are blessings that came out of that pain...God gave me another kid to love.  Instead of having 2 kids to spoil, I now have 3. 

Great and perfect things come in threes...